#also i just think it would be so funny to have him walk into the bar when karen and the boys are all there

[ikeu05]

𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 。 i love you because when i say i don't wanna talk you always call me

synopsis when yn starts dating her sweet, perfect boyfriend sunghoon, she doesn’t expect to fall for his annoyingly charming best friend, jay. between hallway run-ins, forbidden feelings, and a very confusing party confession, what started as bickering turns into everything they were both afraid to want. It’s messy, it’s complicated—but it might just be real.

pairing jay x fem!reader x sunghoon

genre love triangle (kinda), angst!!!, fluff here and there

word count 14.8k (who am i :3)

warnings implications of cheating (i am very against this, i do NOT induce cheating), small smut scene [unprotected sex (please don't do!!!!), piv], crying, reader is very confused about everything, happy ending <3

nessie note this was so random, sprung outta nowhere but it had been in the drafts for quite sometime now and i figure.... why not :p also i would like to apologise in advance about the smut scene. very evidently, i have no experience writing them so sorry if it's cringe or wtv.. hope y'all like the rest of it hehehe. also ness is her bff and flatmate in this just like how i am ur bff wink wink

sunghoon was yn’s complex neighbour—the kind you didn’t notice until you did, and then couldn’t stop noticing. he lived across the hall from her and ness, in an apartment shared with three other boys, jay, heeseung and jungwon. ness always had a way of describing people that stuck, and she labelled sunghoon as “a little airheaded, unconventionally smart, and just a hot loser.” and honestly, she wasn’t wrong. he was the type to walk into a room looking for his phone while it was already in his hand, but then turn around and say something so surprisingly profound that it made you do a double take. his mind worked in weird ways—ways that made no sense until they did.

yn never really thought much of him at first. he was just the boy who wore mismatched socks, left his laundry out for too long, and somehow managed to ace his physics exams despite never showing up to class. but something changed. maybe it was the way they started seeing each other more and more, casually at first—shared elevator rides, overlapping grocery runs, late-night knock-knock visits with leftover fries or missing chargers.

and then there were the hangouts.

every time the six of them—yn, ness, sunghoon, jay, heeseung and jungwon—ended up in the same room, she found herself gravitating toward him. somehow, by the end of the night, she and sunghoon would be in their own little bubble. laughing at a dumb meme only they found funny. debating whether cereal counted as soup. sharing glances across the table when someone said something ridiculous. it wasn’t intentional—it just kept happening.

sometimes he’d say things like, “i think time’s fake,” with a completely straight face, and then try to prove it with a whiteboard and a banana. sometimes he’d sit beside her, head leaning against the back of the couch, talking about parallel universes while trying not to fall asleep mid-sentence. and she’d just look at him, equal parts amused and curious, wondering how someone so ridiculous could be so weirdly endearing.

one evening, they were all piled into the guy’s living room for a movie night. jungwon had fallen asleep twenty minutes in, ness was loudly narrating her opinions from the kitchen, and jay kept skipping scenes he found boring. somewhere in the middle of all the chaos, sunghoon leaned over to whisper a dumb joke into yn’s ear. she laughed, trying to keep quiet, and he smiled like he’d been waiting for that reaction all day. she didn’t notice how close they were sitting until their shoulders brushed and he didn’t move away.

later that night, when she got back to her own apartment, she realized her cheeks still hurt from smiling too much. and that was when it hit her—maybe she’d started thinking about him a lot more than she thought.

maybe sunghoon wasn’t just the hot loser across the hall anymore.

maybe he was something else. something that made her heartbeat do stupid things.

it wasn’t long before they started dating. after knowing each other for about seven months—seven whole months of dumb jokes, inside memes, late-night texts, shared playlists, and those almost-but-not-quite lingering touches—something finally gave in. and of course, sunghoon had to ask her out in a way only he could. something ridiculous. something oddly sweet. something that left her speechless.

it all began at a party hosted by their college mutual friend jake—the hotshot. the party guy. the kind of boy who wore sunglasses indoors and had a playlist for every type of chaotic situation. it was a massive, noisy, glow-stick-ridden mess in the best way, and yn had agreed to go with the whole group. it sounded fun. a good distraction. she needed that.

because before the party, she’d admitted to ness—after one too many nights spent refreshing sunghoon’s chat—that she needed to get her mind off him. “he doesn’t see me like that,” she had mumbled into a throw pillow. “he’s probably just friendly with everyone. maybe i imagined the whole ‘thing’.”

ness, bless her soul, took it as a mission. “say less,” she’d grinned, dragging yn to her closet. “tonight, you’re getting over hot loser boy. we’re drinking. we’re flirting. we are not crying over weirdly poetic physics majors.”

and so, the night began—yn dressed a little braver than usual, eyes lined in confidence she didn’t feel yet, and a fake smile plastered on as she sipped on her first shot. ness kept her busy—introducing her to new people, pushing her into silly games, dragging her to dance floors. and it worked, for a while. she wasn’t looking at the door every few minutes. she wasn’t hoping he’d come talk to her. she wasn’t thinking about—

except she was. and he did come.

sunghoon showed up late, like always, with jungwon trailing behind and jay already a little drunk on arrival. and when his eyes found her in the crowd, they softened instantly. he smiled, like she was a favourite song he hadn’t heard in a while. but the moment he stepped forward, ness blocked his path with a look. a subtle shake of the head.

he got the hint. he kept his distance.

she hated it.

even through the chaos of the party, their eyes met sometimes. quiet moments in a loud room. he looked like he wanted to talk to her—desperately—but he didn’t. maybe he thought she didn’t want to. maybe he was trying to give her space. either way, she felt everything and nothing all at once.

later, during a game of spin the bottle, they sat in a circle, tipsy and flushed. the bottle spun, clinked against a few glasses, and landed on sunghoon… and some random girl. everyone whooped. the girl leaned forward with a smirk.

but sunghoon shook his head, laughing softly. “i’ll pass.”

“no way! c’mon!” someone whined.

he just shrugged, eyes flicking once—quickly—towards yn. “not really feeling it.”

she bit her lip, barely hiding her smile. her chest felt too tight, too light.

then it was her turn. she spun, not really thinking. it landed on jake.

“wooooo!” people shouted. “get it!”

jake raised an eyebrow, grinning. “hey, no pressure, but i am an excellent kisser.”

yn laughed, nerves buzzing through her. she always thought jake was attractive in a loud, attention-demanding kind of way—but he wasn’t really her type. still… maybe this would help. maybe kissing someone else would finally rip sunghoon from her thoughts.

she stood up, slowly moving toward jake.

and then—

“hey,” a voice said, soft, right beside her. “do you… really wanna kiss jake?”

sunghoon.

he stood between them, eyes gentle but serious, his voice low enough that only she could hear it.

she blinked at him, heart in her throat. the alcohol and the heat and the sheer stupidity of it all made her bolder than usual. “no,” she said, barely above a whisper. “i wanna kiss you.”

so she did.

right there, in front of everyone. she kissed him. his hands found her waist like they’d been waiting for this moment forever, and everything around them blurred. but the second it ended, panic bloomed.

“oh my god,” she gasped, eyes wide, suddenly all too aware. “i—” and then she bolted.

out of the party. down the street. all the way back to their apartment complex, barefoot heels in hand.

ness chased her down in a cab, shouting out the window, “you’re so fast for a drunk person, i swear to god!”

yn avoided him after that. for days.

she couldn’t handle the conversation. what if he regretted it? what if it was just a kiss to him? what if she ruined everything? every time she heard his voice across the hall, she ducked into her room. when the boys came over to borrow sugar or wifi or ask about missing laundry, she pretended to be asleep. it was childish. but she was terrified.

until one afternoon, she finally found the courage. she walked across the hall and knocked.

the door swung open.

sunghoon stood there, in nothing but an apron.

flour streaked his collarbones, smudged across his cheekbone and dusted in his hair. he looked startled for a second, then grinned sheepishly.

“hey,” he said. “i was just, um… baking.”

she stared. “are you… naked under that?”

“i mean… technically, yes. but it’s a long apron.”

“sunghoon—”

“i was making donuts,” he added quickly. “to ask you out properly. because you said you like donuts. and i wanted to make it… you know. cute.”

something in her chest finally eased. she let out a breathy laugh, stepping inside. “you don’t hate me?”

“what? no!” he blinked. “i thought you were avoiding me because you regretted it.”

she covered her face, groaning. “oh my god. we’re idiots.”

“well, yeah,” he said, stepping closer. “but you kissed me. and then you ran away. which was, like… very cinderella of you.”

“i panicked,” she mumbled. “i didn’t think you actually—”

he didn’t let her finish. he just pulled her in by the waist, arms wrapping around her, flour and all. “so,” he murmured, looking down at her. “wanna date a dumbass who bakes naked and wears a ‘fuck the cook’ apron?”

she laughed, cheeks burning. “i mean… if that dumbass is you…”

he kissed her.

flour smeared across her cheek, the smell of vanilla and sugar hanging between them, the forgotten donuts cooling on the kitchen counter. somewhere between the kiss and the laughter, his apron slipped slightly off his shoulder.

let’s just say… the donuts weren’t the only thing getting devoured that evening.

it had been three months since the kiss, the donut proposal, and the flour-dusted beginning of whatever she and sunghoon had become—and things were good. like, genuinely good. easy in the way you hope relationships will be when they start. sunghoon was still his chaotic, apron-wearing self, the kind of boyfriend who brought her weird snacks from the convenience store just because they “reminded him of her” (???), and who left her notes like “don’t forget to eat or i will cry and you’ll be responsible for emotional damage” stuck to her laptop.

they weren’t perfect—he forgot their coffee dates, she got impatient with his dreamy tangents—but they worked.

until jay happened.

jay was sunghoon’s annoying best friend. nothing more, nothing less. at least that’s how yn had always seen him—loud, cocky, with a grin that could either charm or irritate depending on the day. she had tolerated him purely because of sunghoon, her boyfriend of four months now. jay was always around—he lived across the hall with sunghoon, part of that never-ending trio of chaotic energy, plus jungwon.

she’d met jay the same day she met sunghoon, almost a year ago now. he had always been there, lurking in the background of her life like a sarcastic shadow. bickering with her from day one, making snarky remarks across the hall, stealing her charger when she wasn’t looking. it was like his full-time job was to get under her skin and she had never let him win. if he rolled his eyes at her, she rolled hers harder. if he made a joke, she made a better one. their entire relationship was based on mutual annoyance and a shared love for one-upping each other.

especially in stats class.

god, stats class.

they sat on opposite ends of the second row, both refusing to give up their assigned unofficial seats. every test, every assignment, every stupid little pop quiz was a personal challenge. “who got the highest this time?” was not a casual question—it was war.

“enjoy that 92 while it lasts,” she smirked one day, tossing her test on his desk.

jay raised an eyebrow. “enjoy being second place, yn. it suits you.”

“your ego doesn’t.”

“yeah, but my gpa does.”

she hated how smug he looked when he said that.

but she hated even more how cute he looked when he got flustered.

because jay—annoying, sharp-tongued, infuriating jay—had these moments. tiny, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moments where the sarcasm dropped. when he picked up her pen without a word. when he brought her coffee once before class because “you looked like death and i figured your boyfriend’s probably too busy thinking about time travel to remember caffeine.” when she accidentally let slip she was stressed about her internship interview and he—without looking at her—slid a printed prep sheet across the desk with a grumbled “don’t screw it up. you’re my only real competition.”

moments like that threw her off. always had. because he didn’t stay sweet. he’d say something nice and then immediately ruin it by saying something like “i miss when you were failing stats. you were quieter back then.”

and she’d pretend to hate him all over again.

but lately… lately it was like he was everywhere.

she saw him more than she used to. ran into him at the cafeteria when she was sure he had a different break slot. bumped into him at the library when she swore she was alone. he was behind her in lines, next to her in labs, texting her things like “your boyfriend microwaved a spoon again. come collect your man.”

and when they bickered now, it felt… different. quicker. sharper. almost funnier. like there was a rhythm to it, a beat she couldn’t stop syncing to.

“you’re really annoying today,” she told him one afternoon, pushing past him in the hallway.

“thanks,” he replied smoothly. “it’s a skill i’ve refined over years. just for you.”

she paused, staring at him. “do you practice these lines or do they just fall out of your mouth like stupidity?”

jay smirked. “you tell me, yn. you’re the one who keeps listening.”

and the worst part?

she was listening. she always did.

she was starting to see him more. not just as the annoying boy who lived with her boyfriend, but—unfortunately—as someone she noticed in ways she didn’t want to admit. someone whose presence filled more space than it should. someone who wasn’t sunghoon, but who still made her heart skip, even if it was only out of irritation. (or so she told herself.)

it was like the universe kept shoving him into her orbit, over and over again, like it was trying to tell her something. and maybe she was too afraid to admit what that something could be.

because everything was good with sunghoon. wasn’t it?

so then why the hell was jay everywhere all of a sudden?

and why did it feel like she was starting to like it?

it was well past midnight when yn finally gave in to the itch crawling under her skin. her room felt suffocating, her thoughts louder than her playlist, and even sunghoon’s goodnight text hadn’t calmed her nerves. the silence had become too much. she needed air, and not the kind that came from an open window.

“let’s go on a drive,” she mumbled, sitting up suddenly. ness, who was half-asleep on the floor next to her with her phone pressed to her cheek, blinked up in confusion.

“now?”

“yes. like, now now. i need to get out of here. i’m going crazy.”

ness yawned and stretched, already reaching for her hoodie. “fine. but you’re buying me fries or i’m turning this car around.”

the hallway outside their flat was dim, the yellow ceiling light flickering like something out of a horror movie. yn tiptoed ahead, hoodie pulled over her head, keys in hand. just as they rounded the corner to the main door, yn halted in her tracks so suddenly that ness almost bumped into her.

“shit. jay.”

“what?” ness whispered back, blinking.

yn pushed her forward without a word, ducking behind the half-open door of the utility room next to the stairs. ness was too confused to protest, stumbling out into full view like a deer caught in headlights.

and there he was—jay. dressed in grey sweatpants and a navy oversized t-shirt, hair still damp like he’d just taken a shower, casually walking down the hallway with a garbage bag in one hand. he paused when he saw her.

“where you headed?” he asked, voice low but curious, a slight smirk playing on his lips.

ness smiled awkwardly, trying to keep things casual. “just… stepping out. needed a change of air.”

jay raised an eyebrow. “at 12:30 a.m.?”

“i like the stars,” she shrugged, internally praying he wouldn’t look too closely. “they hit better at night.”

he glanced past her, his eyes narrowing slightly like something didn’t sit right. “you alone?”

“yeah. solo vibes,” she nodded quickly.

and then—of course—yn’s phone rang. for exactly one millisecond. the notification barely echoed before she silenced it, but it was too late.

jay’s head tilted slowly. that ringtone. he knew it. he’d changed it himself once when she left her phone unattended at a group movie night last semester—“spaghetti western gun draw”—as a joke. she never changed it back.

“solo vibes, huh?” he asked again, but now he was smirking. “tell her next time to at least mute her phone before hiding.”

ness let out a sigh of defeat, facepalming. “god, you’re so annoying.”

he stepped past her slightly, not peeking around the corner but clearly amused. “how’d her stats paper go, by the way?” he asked casually. “tell her i said good job. that presentation she did last week was lowkey impressive.”

ness narrowed her eyes. “why do you even know that?”

jay shrugged. “i pay attention sometimes.”

“go throw your trash and mind your business.”

jay gave a little mock salute, backing away with a grin. “night, ness. night, yn.” he didn’t even need to look. he just knew.

once he was out of earshot, yn stepped out, groaning as she smacked her forehead lightly. “he knew.”

ness gave her a deadpan look. “yeah, no shit. this is why i said let me drive alone and you can meet me downstairs.”

“but you’re a horrible liar.”

“and you’re a horrible hider.”

they walked toward the elevator, yn pulling her hood tighter. her heart was still racing—not because of the close call, but because of the way jay had said good job. because he noticed. and remembered. and for some reason, that meant too much.

the city was quieter than usual. the streets stretched out in long, empty lines, dotted with the occasional blinking yellow signal and the hum of streetlamps. the air smelled like wet concrete and jasmine from someone’s nearby garden. yn drove with one hand on the wheel, the other fiddling with the car’s stereo until it landed on a mellow playlist—soft indie, just loud enough to fill the silence.

ness had her feet up on the dashboard, sipping from the iced coffee they picked up from the all-night drive-thru. they’d barely been on the road ten minutes when she finally said it.

“i’m just gonna say it.”

yn glanced sideways. “say what?”

“i think jay likes you.”

the words hit like a stone skipping across a calm lake, each ripple sharper than the last.

she scoffed, too fast. “what? no. no, he doesn’t.”

ness didn’t even blink. “he so does.”

“don’t be ridiculous.”

“you’re telling me it was a coincidence that he recognized your ringtone in a millisecond, complimented your stats presentation unprompted, and looked directly at the wall you were hiding behind?”

yn exhaled through her nose, gripping the steering wheel tighter. “he’s just being… jay.”

“exactly,” ness said smugly. “jay, who makes fun of everyone else equally, but never forgets your coffee order. jay, who teases you, but never crosses a line. jay, who somehow remembers your exam schedule but doesn’t know what day it is half the time.”

yn stayed silent, her eyes fixed on the road.

ness leaned closer, watching her carefully now. “you haven’t denied it convincingly even once, by the way.”

“i have.”

“nope. you’re all blushy and twitchy. you’re practically glowing like a ‘crush detected’ siren.”

“i don’t like him.”

“right.”

“i don’t,” she repeated, but her voice cracked halfway, which only made ness laugh.

and in that moment—between the streetlights flashing across her face and the quiet hum of the song playing—ness saw it. the way yn’s expression faltered. how her mouth opened slightly, like she was about to say something and then thought better of it. the way her eyes clouded, like she was trying too hard to convince herself.

“oh my god,” ness whispered. “you like him too.”

yn didn’t answer. she just bit the inside of her cheek and kept driving.

ness leaned back in her seat, letting out a dramatic sigh. “this is insane. you’re dating sunghoon.”

“i know,” yn said quietly, her fingers tightening again on the steering wheel. “i know.”

and the car went quiet again, only the music filling the air between them—soft, aching, and way too honest.

they ended up at a tucked-away little café on the far side of town, one of those late-night gems with fairy lights draped across the windows and mismatched furniture that somehow made everything feel more intimate. the barista barely batted an eye at the two girls walking in at nearly 2 a.m.—this place seemed to cater specifically to the restless and heart-heavy.

they sat near the window, nursing hot mochas and splitting a flaky almond croissant and a warm cinnamon roll between them. the silence was heavier now, not uncomfortable, but loaded. ness was staring at her, chewing slowly.

“what,” yn said, not looking up from her pastry.

“just thinking.”

“stop thinking.”

“i can’t.”

yn gave her a look, but ness just pushed her plate away and leaned on her elbows.

“okay, i’m doing this. pros and cons.”

“no.”

“too bad. we’re doing it.” she held up a finger. “pro—jay makes you smile when you don’t even want to.”

“can we not—”

“con—you’re dating sunghoon. obviously. big, fat con.”

yn groaned, resting her forehead on the table.

“pro,” ness continued, “jay actually listens to you. remembers things. supports your tiny wins like they’re world records. he’s annoying, but he’s there. he’s present.”

yn sat back up slowly, face drawn.

“con,” ness said, quieter now, “sunghoon’s your boyfriend. he treats you well. he’s sweet. stable. you’d hurt him.”

yn didn’t say anything.

“pro,” ness added, “jay… i don’t know, he challenges you. he keeps you on your toes. you light up when you talk back to him. like you enjoy the chaos.”

“that’s not a pro,” yn muttered, staring into her cup. “that’s a problem.”

ness chuckled, but it faded quickly when she saw the look on her friend’s face—eyebrows drawn, lips pressed tight, fingers tapping nervously against the ceramic cup.

“yn.”

“i don’t want this,” yn whispered, almost more to herself than ness. “i don’t want to feel anything. i want to be happy with sunghoon. i am happy. i think.”

ness didn’t press, just nodded slowly.

“but when jay looks at me…” yn’s voice broke a little. “it feels like my chest is going to split open.”

the café was quiet except for the soft jazz playing through the overhead speakers and the occasional clink of dishes being washed behind the counter. outside, the street was still and empty, the world asleep while yn’s own thoughts screamed too loud to ignore.

ness reached over, her hand covering hers gently. “you don’t have to figure it all out tonight. but you do need to stop lying to yourself.”

yn nodded, swallowing hard, unsure whether the ache in her throat was from guilt, confusion, or something far more dangerous—hope.

somewhere between the fourth existential thought and the last sip of her mocha, yn sat back in her chair and declared, “i need to get drunk.”

ness blinked. “here? now?”

“right now,” she nodded, deadly serious. “i’m done thinking. no more boys, no more feelings, no more jay, no more ‘who-do-i-even-like’—i just want to not feel anything for a few hours.”

and that’s how they ended up at the shady little 7/11 a block down, giggling through the fluorescent aisles, grabbing way more bottles of soju than necessary—green bottles clinking in a tote bag, some spicy chips thrown in for chaos. by 2:45 am, they were sitting at a quiet crossroad at the edge of town, where traffic lights blinked uselessly over an empty street and the wind carried the faint sound of a dog barking in the distance. they sat on the curb like a pair of drunk philosophers, legs sprawled out, faces flushed from laughter and alcohol.

“this is freedom,” yn mumbled, holding a half-empty bottle above her head. “this is girlhood.”

ness laughed so hard she almost dropped her own bottle. “girlhood is being heartbroken over a boy you don’t even want to like.”

“girlhood is betrayal in a crop top.”

“girlhood is lying to your sweet, perfect boyfriend while lowkey obsessing over his best friend!”

they burst into cackles, so loud it echoed down the street. yn wiped tears from her eyes, lying back on the warm asphalt, staring at the starless night.

meanwhile, back in their apartment complex, jay was pacing around his room, thumb hovering over his phone. he had texted ness over an hour ago:

jay: u guys back?

no reply. nothing since they left. which was weird, because ness never ignored him. but he reasoned she’d probably just fallen asleep. maybe yn was venting and they were up late talking. or maybe she was crying, he suddenly thought, anxiety tugging at the edge of his chest.

he shook it off. it wasn’t his place. sunghoon was probably with her—wait, no. sunghoon had gone to bed early, he remembered. so… where the hell were they?

jay sat back on his bed, brows furrowed, phone still glowing in his hand.

across town, yn was balancing her bottle on her chest, staring at the red blinking streetlight.

“do you think the light’s judging us?” she asked seriously.

ness nodded. “definitely. red for stop being dumb bitches.”

“too late.”

they clinked bottles weakly in agreement, two tiny specks of chaos in the middle of a sleeping city, unaware of the ripple their absence was already starting to cause.

the sky was bleeding into soft shades of blue and lavender, the night slowly surrendering to dawn. the crossroad was still quiet, the only sound now the distant chirping of birds waking up and the occasional hum of a delivery bike speeding through empty lanes.

ness was curled up beside a lamppost, hoodie pulled over her head, a half-finished chip packet cradled to her chest like a comfort blanket. yn sat cross-legged on the curb, eyes burning from lack of sleep, head spinning not just from the alcohol but from the weight of the morning hitting her too fast.

“we can’t drive back,” she said blankly, her voice hoarse.

“nope,” ness croaked. “we’ll die. we’ll literally die.”

they both sat in silence, dazed and miserable.

“options?” ness asked after a beat.

yn pulled out her phone. “sunghoon?” she mumbled, but even saying his name made her wince. “i can’t. he thinks i’m at home. in bed. safe.”

“heeseung?”

“do you want to die slower?”

ness snorted. “jungwon would bring us home but would also give us a thirty-slide presentation on our stupidity.”

yn groaned.

they stared at each other. both came to the same conclusion. “jay.”

ness sighed. “we’re horrible people.”

“yup.”

ness dialed slowly, clearing her throat as it rang. the line picked up after the third ring.

“where are you?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

“jogging. near new flyover. why?” jay’s voice was low, but alert.

“cool. cool cool. so… um. can you jog a little bit further? like, to the big crossroad near that one old bakery place? it’s urgent.”

jay paused. “ness, what the hell? are you okay?”

“yeah—well. no. but not, like, hospital-level bad. just… come. please.”

“is yn with you?”

she hesitated for a beat. “yeah.”

there was a beat of silence.

“i’m coming.”

✭

fifteen minutes later, jay came jogging up the slope, his black tank top clinging to his torso, chest rising and falling as sweat glistened over his skin in the gold of sunrise. his hair was slightly tousled, and his brow furrowed in confusion as he spotted them slumped together on the sidewalk like abandoned chaos goblins.

the moment yn saw him, she physically gulped. god. his shoulders looked criminally illegal in the morning light. she shook her head sharply, almost scolding herself. you have a boyfriend. a sweet, gentle boyfriend who buys you muffins.

jay stopped a few feet away, his hands resting on his hips as he looked at her first, worry etched all over his face.

“what the hell happened?”

yn opened her mouth, but her brain had apparently clocked out for the day. ness came to the rescue.

“we got drunk.”

jay blinked. “at 3 a.m.?”

“yeah.”

“here?”

“yeah.”

he looked at them both again—chapped lips, sleepy eyes, and leftover soju bottles tucked shamefully behind them—and sighed deeply.

“jesus christ.”

“no judgment,” ness warned, holding up a finger.

jay ran a hand through his hair, looking at yn again. “are you okay?” he asked, voice softer this time.

yn blinked up at him, heart thudding a little too loudly. “yeah. just… don’t ask anything right now.”

he nodded slowly. “okay.”

and without another word, he turned, ness leading them toward car parked two blocks away. yn stood up, still dizzy, her shoulder brushing his for half a second—and that single moment lit a fuse somewhere deep inside her chest.

she had never been more aware of her guilt. or rather, more terrified of what that awareness meant.

✭

the silence in the car was heavy, almost sacred, save for the low hum of the engine and the occasional crackle of gravel under jay’s tires as he drove. yn had curled up in the passenger seat, arms wrapped around her legs, forehead resting against the window. her breath fogged up the glass in small bursts, and her fingers twitched now and then like she was still trying to hold onto something—maybe dignity, maybe clarity.

ness had barely buckled her seatbelt before passing out in the back, the exhaustion finally winning over adrenaline and alcohol. jay didn’t say anything at first, his grip on the steering wheel tight, eyes flicking between the road and the reflection of yn’s profile in the side mirror. she was quiet. still.

he hated that he cared this much.

he opened his mouth to say something—anything. a joke to ease the tension. a question he wasn’t supposed to ask. but then—

her phone buzzed.

the ringtone sliced through the quiet like a blade.

jay glanced at her instinctively.

she checked the caller id.

“sunghoon,” she muttered under her breath, more to herself than anyone. she hesitated for half a second, then hit accept and brought it to her ear.

“hello?” she said, voice soft.

jay’s hands clenched unconsciously on the wheel.

sunghoon’s voice filtered in through the speaker, muffled but warm and sleepy and honest in a way that only someone in love could sound. “hi baby,” he mumbled, still half-asleep. “i just woke up and wanted to hear your voice.”

yn closed her eyes, the words hitting like a punch to her chest.

jay’s heart sank instantly. everything he was going to say, everything he wanted to ask, evaporated. the reminder was brutal. real. she had someone. someone who called her “baby” without hesitation. someone she answered for. someone who woke up and thought of her first thing in the morning.

yn forced herself to smile, voice cracking slightly as she responded, “hey… morning.”

“i had a weird dream about you,” sunghoon laughed softly. “where are you? did you sleep okay?”

she flinched but didn’t let it show. “yeah, just… went for an early drive with ness. couldn’t sleep.”

jay stared straight ahead, jaw tense, blinking hard against the rush of feelings he didn’t have the right to feel.

sunghoon continued rambling through the speaker, soft laughter and gentle affection spilling into the quiet car like it belonged there—and maybe it did. just not in the way jay wished it didn’t.

“i miss you,” sunghoon said, so sincere it hurt. “you’ll be back soon, right?”

yn’s throat was dry. “yeah,” she whispered, her eyes flicking toward jay just once.

he didn’t look at her. he didn’t have to.

she knew he’d heard every word.

and just like that, the atmosphere shifted.

he turned up the ac slightly, more for something to do than any real reason. yn hung up a minute later, tucking her phone away like it had burned her fingers. no one said anything for the rest of the ride. but everything had already been said.

silently.

painfully.

loud and clear.

✭

the morning sun had fully risen by the time they pulled into the apartment complex parking. the streets had come back to life—delivery vans rushing past, birds louder now, the sky a pale orange hue with streaks of pink dying out. but the three of them walked up the stairs like they were in a parallel world, still stuck in the silence of that drive.

ness rubbed her temples and reached into her pocket for the keys, grumbling something incoherent as she fumbled with the lock. yn stood beside her, arms crossed, eyes still puffy and jaw clenched tight. jay lingered behind them, just far enough to be out of their immediate space but close enough that his presence still pressed on her skin.

she hadn’t dared look at him since they parked.

the hallway was too quiet.

and then—

a click. a creak. the door across theirs opened.

“yn?” came a groggy voice—sunghoon.

she froze.

jay looked up at the sound too, gaze sharp despite the tired droop in his eyes.

sunghoon stepped out in his oversized hoodie and basketball shorts, hair messy, eyes still adjusting to the morning light. but the second he saw her—his expression shifted entirely.

“hey,” he beamed, stepping forward like it was the most natural thing in the world. his hand reached out, curling gently around her wrist, tugging her closer. “i missed you,” he said, voice still heavy from sleep.

before she could react—before her brain could catch up—he leaned in and kissed her softly.

jay stopped breathing. he didn’t make a sound. didn’t shift. didn’t blink. he just stood there. 

watching.

just for a second. and that second burned. then he turned. without a word, without so much as a glance, he walked past them, heading into the boys’ apartment and shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.

yn didn’t even respond to the kiss properly. her lips barely moved. she was too aware—of jay’s silence, of the guilt spreading in her chest like spilled ink, of the way her skin still remembered the car ride home and how suffocating it had felt.

sunghoon leaned back, smiling sleepily at her. “didn’t think i’d get to see you this early. what were you guys doing anyway?”

yn blinked. “just… late night drive. couldn’t sleep.”

he hummed, clearly buying it. “i’m gonna go make coffee. come over if you want.”

and then he yawned, brushed a knuckle against her cheek sweetly and walked back into his flat.

yn stood there, frozen. ness finally got the door open, swinging it wide. 

“come on,” she said softly, not asking anything.

but yn didn’t move. her eyes flicked to the door jay had disappeared behind, a dull ache blooming in her chest.

she knew. from now on, things were going to feel different. and it would be her fault.

things were only slightly different at first—just enough to notice if you were paying attention. and yn was always paying attention now.

the banter with jay didn’t stop. it still existed in the same petty, teasing rhythm it always had. she’d roll her eyes at him in the hallway. he’d scoff at her taste in instant noodles. they still fought over the last slice of pizza in group hangouts, still tossed playful insults across the room like they were built to clash.

but something had shifted in the space between those moments.

jay wasn’t lingering as much anymore. his jokes came a beat slower. the heat behind his teasing had dulled—not gone, just guarded. he didn’t sit beside her at movie nights anymore. he didn’t glance at her when someone said her name. he barely looked her in the eyes unless he had to. and when he did, it was like a flicker. here, then gone. just enough to make her heart drop.

meanwhile, sunghoon was falling harder. you could see it. the way he looked at her like she was made of something fragile and precious. how he’d kiss the top of her head when she wasn’t paying attention, hold her hand tighter when they crossed the street. he wrote little notes and hid them in her notebooks, remembered how she liked her coffee, told her she was beautiful every chance he got.

and it made her sick with guilt.

because she liked it. she loved being loved like that. she liked sunghoon—really liked him. he was good. he was warm. he’d never hurt her.

so why, why did her eyes follow jay in a crowded room?

why did her chest tighten when he laughed with someone else?

why did her mind constantly circle back to that moment—her knees curled on the passenger seat, his voice tight with something unspoken, the sound of sunghoon’s “hi baby” echoing like a slap in the face?

yn found herself spiraling in quiet moments. brushing her teeth. waiting for the microwave. lying awake at 2 a.m. with her phone on her chest and the ceiling fan spinning lazily overhead.

how do you bring something like this up?

“hey, so, i’m maybe catching feelings for your best friend slash flatmate slash local chaos demon and i feel like the worst person alive. do you still love me now?”

what would sunghoon say?

what would jay say?

what if she was wrong? what if this was just a passing thing? a stupid, fleeting attraction she’d regret throwing everything away for?

but what if it wasn’t?

what if it was already too late?

she couldn’t tell sunghoon.

she couldn’t.

so she smiled through it. kissed him back. texted jay about dumb things, like leftover fries and lost hoodies, hoping he’d reply the way he used to. but it all felt like watching a slow fade. jay had pulled back. not completely, but enough to feel the distance. like he knew. like he was protecting himself before it all blew up.

and the worst part? she couldn’t even blame him.

✭

the next few months passed in a blur, and jay was almost like a shadow in the corners of yn’s life—present but distant, like a dream she wasn’t sure she’d actually had. and she thought… she thought maybe this was for the best.

with jay pulling away, the noise in her head finally started to quiet down. no more glances she couldn’t explain. no more guilt bubbling in her stomach every time their eyes met. he wasn’t around enough for that anymore. the group hangouts still happened, sure, but jay kept his distance. he laughed with others, spoke when spoken to, rarely directed anything her way beyond a “move, dumbass” if she was standing in front of the fridge.

so yn leaned in. fully. completely.

sunghoon made it easy. god, he made everything so easy.

he adored her. it was obvious. in the way he lit up when she walked into the room, in the ridiculous memes he sent at 3 a.m., in how he always waited for her after class just to walk her home even if it was out of his way.

he was so stupidly in love with her, and he didn’t even try to hide it.

and for once, she let herself feel it.

she laughed more. started falling into their routines—his forehead kisses, their matching phone charms, the inside jokes about their neighbors and their shared hatred for black licorice. he made her feel safe. chosen. like she was something he’d always been looking for.

and she… she loved that. she loved being loved like that.

one night, while lying on his chest as he absentmindedly played with her hair, she caught herself staring at his face and thinking, this is what it’s supposed to feel like. this is what people meant when they said they were happy.

he kissed her forehead and whispered, “you’re my favourite person, you know that?” she smiled, pressing her cheek against his heart. “yeah,” she whispered back. “you’re mine too.” and she meant it. she did.

for the first time in months, her chest didn’t feel heavy with guilt. the name “jay” barely flickered in her head. barely. maybe this was how it was supposed to end—the jay thing. quietly. without drama. just… drifted away like smoke from a candle that was never meant to stay lit.

yn breathed easier. she was happy. or at least, she told herself that often enough that she believed it.

it was such a stupid party.

some random get-together at heeseung’s friend’s place—half the people were strangers, half were familiar faces that somehow became mutuals over months of late-night games, shared rides, and hangouts that blurred the lines of strangers.

yn hadn’t planned on drinking, really. she was just going to show face, hang around for a bit, and leave before the usual chaos started. but then someone pulled out soju. and someone else suggested never have i ever. and now she was drunk.

not blackout drunk, but definitely leaning against ness’ shoulder, eyes glazed, cheeks flushed, and heart a little too loud in her ears. the circle of people around her laughed, groaned, and teased each other as the game continued, each question getting riskier and more chaotic with every round.

“never have i ever… kissed someone i shouldn’t have.”

a mix of groans and oohs echoed around the circle. yn didn’t move at first. but her eyes—her eyes were fixed across the circle. on him.

jay. god, jay.

he was sitting in his usual slouched way, his long legs stretched out, arms crossed as he leaned back, a lazy smirk on his face like he wasn’t even fully paying attention.

but he knew. he had to know. because her eyes hadn’t left him all night.

she told herself it was fine. sunghoon wasn’t there—he’d bailed at the last minute, said he had some work to catch up on, and promised he’d make it up to her later. and the truth was… she hadn’t minded. not even a little. not like she used to.

they were past their honeymoon phase now. it was obvious. things felt… muted. he still called her baby, still held her hand, still kissed her with that slow softness that made her chest ache—but they barely saw each other anymore, despite living literally across the hall. the calls had shortened. the texts had thinned. sometimes it felt like she was holding up a version of their relationship that only she still cared to make look picture-perfect.

and yet, what unsettled her more than all of that… was the fact that she didn’t miss it the way she was supposed to.

because jay was here. and she’d spent the whole night looking at him.

watching how his mouth twitched every time someone said something stupid. watching how his hair fell slightly over his eyes. watching how he laughed with the people beside him but never once looked her way.

not once.

she lifted her shot glass slowly to her lips and drank. one more round. one more silent confession. ness’s head turned slightly to look at her, clocking the way she was staring, but didn’t say anything. it hit her then, like a blunt force to the chest.

she liked him.

not in that passing way she used to tell herself it was. not in the “he’s just hot and annoying and i hate him” way she used to cover it up with. no. she liked jay.

she liked him like you like the person who sees through every mask you wear. like you like the person you can’t ignore even when they ignore you. like she loved him, maybe.

sunghoon, sweet as he was, felt like a dream she had once. a phase. something soft and kind that came at the right time but didn’t feel like forever.

jay? jay was the real thing.

and for the first time in a long time, she didn’t fight it. she just stared at him, dazed and drunk and devastatingly sure.

✭

ness had been leaning a little too close to heeseung on the balcony, her arms resting on the railing, head tilted as she listened to him ramble about some stupid gym story that somehow involved a pigeon, a protein shake, and a broken locker key.

she rolled her eyes at him, biting back a smile—and that’s when the balcony door burst open.

yn stumbled in with all the grace of a giggly drunk person who thought they were being subtle. her eyes were wide, her smile even wider, and her steps surprisingly steady as she tiptoed—dramatically—into the balcony like she was on a mission.

then, in the world’s worst attempt at a whisper, she leaned toward ness and slurred out:

“i like jay.”

it wasn’t even a full whisper. it was more like a scream that wore a fake mustache and tried to pass off as discreet.

ness’s mouth dropped open.

not in surprise—she’d known, she’d suspected this for months—but the fact that yn had chosen this moment, this volume, this balcony to finally scream it into existence?

heeseung blinked. “WHAT.”

ness immediately smacked his arm and shut the balcony door with the urgency of a spy defusing a bomb. “shut up!” she hissed, locking it behind them and drawing the curtain like a makeshift soundproof barrier.

yn, meanwhile, flopped into one of the balcony chairs like she’d just finished confessing a murder. “god, that felt so good,” she exhaled, throwing her head back. “it’s been living in my lungs, dude. like—like—how do people keep feelings like that inside?! i feel lighter.”

ness stared at her, still blinking. “yn. you have a boyfriend.”

“i know!” yn whined, dramatically flopping her arms. “and he’s sweet and perfect and he’s sunghoon, i know. but like. i like jay. not like ‘haha he’s cute’ like—i like him like i want to kiss him. and not feel guilty about it.”

heeseung, leaning against the wall now with the smuggest grin, pointed between them. “okay but like. she’s not wrong. you and sunghoon haven’t even hung out properly in weeks.”

“you’re not helping,” ness hissed at him, then turned back to yn, grabbing her shoulders. “you’re drunk. and you’re spiraling. you’re not thinking clearly.”

“i am, actually,” yn replied with terrifying clarity, eyes wide. “i’ve never been clearer. jay is the real thing. like—like when i looked at him during the game tonight, i felt like throwing my drink in my face just to snap out of it.”

heeseung snorted. “romantic.”

ness glared at him again. “shut up, heeseung.”

yn pulled her legs up into the chair, hugging her knees like a teenage girl in love for the first time. “i don’t think it was ever just banter. like all those months we used to fight? what if it was just us flirting in denial?”

“oh my god,” ness groaned, rubbing her temples. “you sound like a budget therapist.”

heeseung, ever the chaos enabler, crossed his arms. “okay but she might be right. the dude stopped hanging out with everyone at once, he barely even talks to her now. he’s protecting himself.”

ness turned to him with wide eyes. “how do you know that?”

heeseung shrugged. “because if i was falling for someone i wasn’t supposed to fall for, i’d do the same thing.” 

and for a second, the balcony fell quiet. the muffled sounds of the party inside filtered through the glass door, but none of them moved.

ness looked at yn, who looked like she was floating—giddy, scared, but sure. too sure. “yn,” she said quietly, “you can’t just blow your relationship up because you caught feelings drunk at a party.”

“i’m not,” she said. “i already caught feelings. i’m just… finally admitting it.”

another silence.

heeseung just raised a hand. “if this ends in flames, i’d like to be excluded from all blame. but if it works out—i told you so.”

ness sighed, looking at yn. “you need to figure this out when you’re sober. and alone.”

yn smiled to herself, not answering, just staring out into the dark sky beyond the railing, a million thoughts racing through her head.

but one thing stood still in her heart. she liked jay. and now it was out. their mission that night had been clear—keep yn away from jay. at all costs.

ness had made it very clear before they even left their apartment. she’d even held yn’s face in her hands dramatically and said, “you are not allowed within a five-foot radius of that man. you hear me? no lingering glances, no innocent conversations, no ‘oops i tripped into your lap’ energy. we are going. we are vibing. we are not confessing.”

but fast forward two hours later, and things were… precarious.

yn, comfortably drunk and emotionally unstable, had just made her big balcony confession. she’d announced her feelings like it was a televised broadcast, her words laced with passion, delusion, and four too many shots of soju.

and now that they were back inside, ness was on high alert. the second she noticed yn’s gaze shift across the room—to him—ness smacked her shoulder lightly. 

“no.”

yn blinked at her, eyes dazed. “i didn’t even say anything.”

“you thought it. i saw it in your eyes.”

“i just looked!”

“exactly.”

heeseung was already snickering behind them, cradling his drink. “you’re like a mom scolding her kid for looking at candy.”

ness turned to him and deadpanned, “i am. she’s drunk, and jay is the biggest metaphorical bag of sour patch kids alive.”

yn pouted. “you guys are so dramatic.”

ness raised an eyebrow. “are we? you literally whispered—screamed—on the balcony that you want to kiss him. and then proceeded to talk about his ‘emotionally tortured eyes’ for five straight minutes.”

“that was poetry,” heeseung chimed in, taking another sip. “kinda beautiful, honestly.”

ness flicked him on the forehead. “you’re not helping.”

then she flicked yn too.

“ow! what was that for?!”

“that was for even thinking about walking over there.” ness crossed her arms. “yn, you’re drunk. you cannot trust drunk you to make good choices. and if you tell him now—here, like this—you’re going to wake up tomorrow with a hangover and a crisis.”

yn looked mildly offended. “i’m very wise when i’m drunk.”

“you also thought it was a good idea to pretend to be a tree when jungwon’s ex walked in earlier,” ness deadpanned.

“…he didn’t see me, did he?”

ness just gave her a look.

yn groaned, sliding down into the couch, her head falling back as her eyes landed on jay again—just a glimpse, across the crowd. he was laughing at something someone said, head thrown back, unaware of the war going on a few feet away.

heeseung caught her line of sight and promptly held up a pillow. “visual block. you’re in a jay-free zone now.”

ness clapped. “see? that’s the energy. that’s the plan.”

“but i like him,” yn whined, muffled under the pillow.

“i know,” ness said gently, crouching beside her. “and when you’re sober, and not halfway into a bottle of bad party soju, we’ll talk about it. and maybe then, you’ll decide if you still want to tell him.”

“but what if it’s too late then?”

ness sighed. “if it’s real, yn… it won’t be.”

and with that, operation keep yn from jay continued—full force, emotionally driven, and slightly chaotic. because as much as they all joked, none of them wanted to see her heart broken.

but then it happened faster than ness could stop. one second yn was grabbing a drink, giggling at something heeseung said—her body safely wedged between the two of them like she was in a human barricade. and then—like a ghost—he was just there.

jay.

a shadow slipping into the corner of her vision. she just turned and their eyes met.

her heart dropped, stomach clenching in a way that had nothing to do with the lukewarm vodka-orange mix she’d just sipped. because she had spent all night imagining this moment—fantasising how it would feel if he finally looked at her again like he used to. and now, here it was. real. unavoidable. and she was dazed out of her mind.

“can we talk?” he asked gently, his voice low, barely heard over the music.

ness, from across the room, instantly spotted it—danger—and started moving toward them, but it was already too late. yn’s feet were already following him, her body betraying her like muscle memory. and heeseung? he was just watching with interest, like he’d tuned in to the first episode of a drama he knew was going to ruin him.

they stepped out into the quieter hallway, the distant bass muffled behind them. and suddenly it was just the two of them, the warm low light washing over jay’s face, his expression unreadable but… soft.

too soft.

he smelled like bergamot and something darker—like rain-soaked cologne and he looked at her like she was the only real thing in the room.

yn’s knees ached.

he rubbed the back of his neck, stepping slightly closer. “i know i’ve been distant,” he started. “and i’m sorry. i should’ve just told you earlier.”

she blinked, heart thudding. “told me what?”

“that i liked you,” he said.

the words landed like a gut-punch. even if she knew—deep in her bones, in the glances, in the way he avoided her like she was a lit match—hearing it like this?

her knees nearly gave out.

“i didn’t know how to act around you anymore,” he continued, eyes flicking to hers, pleading almost. “because you’re with him. and i didn’t want to fuck it up. i didn’t want to be that guy. but i couldn’t keep pretending either.”

she tried to focus. tried. but her thoughts were swirling, her breath catching, and she could see ness and heeseung behind him through the open door—ness wide-eyed, gesturing wildly like no. do not kiss. no touching. stay in your lane. heeseung trying to wildly gesture her to just run away.

yn swallowed hard, forcing herself to speak. “jay, i… i can’t.”

he nodded, slowly, painfully. “i know.”

“but i think about kissing you,” she whispered, “’til i can’t breathe.”

his eyes closed for a second, his jaw tightening with restraint. “i do too,” he admitted, stepping closer anyway, his voice hoarse. “so fucking badly.”

it completely contradicted everything he’d just apologised for, but neither of them cared.

not when her lips were trembling, not when he was standing this close, not when the entire night had been building up to this moment like the slowest, softest car crash.

but she didn’t move. and neither did he. not because they didn’t want to. but because if they did, they’d never come back from it.

so they just stood there—wanting. breaking.

and behind them, ness finally dragged heeseung away, whispering, “if they kiss, we kill them both.”

heeseung nodded, “fair.”

yn turned to walk away first, her heart pounding, lungs burning, mind completely wrecked.

jay watched her leave like he’d just let the love of his life walk away from him.

because he did. and neither of them knew what to do next.

things between her and sunghoon didn’t get better.

not really.

they were still together—technically. he still sent her good morning texts, still gave her a kiss on the cheek when they met, still held her hand when they walked. but it wasn’t the same. not in the way it used to be. it was almost like… going through the motions. the tenderness had faded. the small, secret smiles. the unspoken inside jokes. the silly arguments about whose turn it was to pick dinner. now, it was just silence. or surface-level comfort. a familiarity that felt more like habit than love.

and somehow, that wasn’t even the worst of her worries.

because now that jay had said it—really said it—everything had changed.

it was like the second he admitted it out loud, something inside him unlocked. he started showing it, like he wasn’t afraid anymore. like confessing gave him permission to feel out loud. and he did—god, he did.

he looked at her like she belonged to him, even though she didn’t. not yet. he smiled at her like she was the best part of his day. he said things that made her laugh so hard her stomach hurt, and he’d grin like it was his favourite sound. he didn’t say “baby” out loud, but it was in the way he called her name. soft. familiar. loaded.

he didn’t kiss her. but he looked at her like he wanted to. every time he said goodnight—whether in person, over text, or just from the hallway across the apartment—his eyes said all the things he wasn’t allowed to do. not yet.

and she let him. she let him look. let him smile. let him toe that line—just like she did.

even though sunghoon was right there. sitting next to her on the couch. staring at his phone. not saying a word.

they were at the guy’s place again, everyone just lazing around after dinner. a random movie played in the background. jungwon was asleep on the floor, ness was fighting with heeseung over popcorn, and jay was leaning against the kitchen counter, eyes flicking to her in between sips of his drink.

sunghoon was right beside her. close enough that their knees brushed. but he hadn’t looked at her once in the last half hour. hadn’t tried to hold her hand. hadn’t leaned over to whisper something dumb in her ear like he used to.

and she… she hadn’t said anything either.

because the air had shifted. they could both feel it. something unspoken had settled between them, heavy and fragile. he still cared—she knew he did. but it started to feel more friendly. like they were slowly morphing into something platonic, even if neither of them had the guts to say it.

and jay hated it.

she could see it in the way his jaw clenched whenever sunghoon passed her a drink. in the way his eyes followed them when they got up together. in the way his entire posture changed when sunghoon touched her, even if briefly. he hated it—not because he was jealous, but because he wished, so badly, that it was him.

that he was the one allowed to kiss her goodnight. that he was the one who got to sit next to her and play with her fingers while she talked. that he was the one who got to mean it when he looked at her like that.

but he wasn’t. not yet.

and yn didn’t know how much longer she could pretend she didn’t want him to be.

✭

it was late.

one of those unusually cold nights, even for the season, where the silence outside the apartment windows felt heavier than usual. yn had left after sunghoon laughed heartedly in conversation with heeseung, sitting beside her but somehow not really with her. she claimed needing some air and she really did. she was heading back after the short walk, hoodie pulled up, hands tucked deep in her pockets. when she reached her building, the hallway light flickered once before steadying, and just as she turned the corner—

jay.

he was leaning against the wall outside his apartment, phone in hand, like he’d been waiting for something. or someone. the second he saw her, his posture straightened, lips parting like he hadn’t expected her but had hoped she’d show.

they stood there for a second. just looked at each other. and then he spoke. quietly.

“you okay?”

she gave a soft nod. “just needed some air.”

jay stepped forward, a little closer than he should’ve. his eyes searched her face like he was trying to read something between her lashes. “you’ve been quiet lately.”

“so have you.”

“yeah,” he said, voice barely audible now. “that night… at the party. i didn’t mean to mess things up.”

“you didn’t.”

“i did.” he paused. “you just won’t say it.”

she didn’t respond.

the hallway buzzed gently with the hum of the fluorescent bulb above them. everything else—thoughts, emotions, the painful pounding in her chest—was way too loud.

jay stepped even closer. close enough that she had to tilt her chin up to meet his eyes. close enough that she could smell the faint trace of his cologne again. the one she was starting to associate with late nights and near-disasters.

“i can’t keep acting like i don’t feel this way,” he murmured. “every time i see you with him… i wanna lose it.”

“jay—”

“i know, i know. you’re with him. i’m not trying to mess with that. but i’m tired of pretending like i don’t want you.”

her breath hitched. he was so close now. their fingers almost brushed when her hand dropped from her pocket. his eyes flickered from her mouth back up to her eyes. slowly. carefully.

“i’m not gonna kiss you,” he whispered, like he was reminding himself more than her. “not unless you want me to.”

her heart was racing so fast she swore it echoed.

“i can’t,” she breathed. “you know i can’t.”

jay nodded, but didn’t move away. “but do you want to?”

silence. she hated that she didn’t have an answer. or maybe she did. maybe her silence was the answer.

his jaw tensed, eyes dropping for just a second before he stepped back, finally giving her the space she didn’t ask for but desperately needed.

“goodnight, yn,” he said, voice barely holding together.

she whispered it back.

he disappeared into his apartment without another word, the door clicking softly behind him.

and she stood there for a full minute, head pressed against the cool wall, hating how much she wished he hadn’t walked away.

it came out of nowhere.

a message from jay. just a casual notification on a regular tuesday night, lighting up her phone screen like it was any other day.

jay: hey. just wanted to say i’ve been good lately. hope you are too. i think i’m finally over it.

yn stared at it.

read it once. then again. and again. every word sinking heavier into her stomach, like wet sand pulling her under. her thumb hovered over the screen, unsure of what to type—if she should type anything. what did he mean by “it”? she knew exactly what he meant. and she hated how badly she didn’t want it to be true.

it wasn’t like she had expected him to wait. or chase her. or hang on forever. she never asked for that. but somehow, him saying it—putting it out there so cleanly, so calmly—hurt more than she expected. a lot more.

especially because he knew she wasn’t over it.

a minute later, another ping.

jay: met someone actually. nothing serious but it’s been good. healthy. idk. feels nice to like someone who’s not… yk.

you.

the word wasn’t written, but she read it anyway. her mouth felt dry. her heartbeat roared in her ears. it wasn’t jealousy, not exactly. it was more like mourning something that was never hers to begin with.

she typed, erased. typed again.

yn: that’s good. i’m glad. you deserve that.

three dots. he was typing. 

then they disappeared.

then came back again.

jay: yeah. guess we both needed to move on huh?

did they?

because she hadn’t. not really. she was still stuck in place, heart split between what should be and what felt right. she still replayed that night in the hallway over and over again. still thought about how soft his voice had been. how warm his eyes were when he said he wanted her.

and now he was telling her he didn’t anymore.

except… except a few days later, she saw him in the lobby, laughing at something heeseung said. and when his eyes met hers across the glass doors, they didn’t look like the eyes of someone who was over it.

they looked like the eyes of someone pretending to be. and yn wasn’t sure what broke her more—that he was pretending… or that she was pretending too.

it was quiet.

the kind of quiet that didn’t feel comforting or peaceful—just… inevitable. like a slow tide pulling away from the shore, leaving nothing but wet sand and echoes behind. yn sat on the edge of the playground bench near their building, arms folded tightly over her chest. the air was warm, but her palms were cold.

she heard sunghoon’s footsteps before she saw him. they were familiar, light but a little fast, like he didn’t want to be late. he hadn’t changed much—still in that hoodie he always wore on slow weekends, hair still tousled like he hadn’t bothered to fix it before coming down.

but there was something different in his eyes when he saw her. a kind of understanding already sitting there. like he knew. he gave her a soft smile as he sat beside her.

“hey,” he said.

“hey.”

a pause. the longest one. the kind where you hear everything else—the rustle of leaves, the distant traffic, the laughter of someone’s kid echoing faintly from the other end of the street.

“it’s been a while,” he said.

she nodded. “yeah. didn’t realise how long it’s been since we actually… talked.”

sunghoon looked down, his fingers running along the seam of his jeans. “i guess we both got busy.”

“no,” she said, and her voice was steady now. “we just… stopped trying.”

he turned to look at her, face unreadable but not cold. just tired. “is this the part where you tell me you want to break up?”

her heart stung, but she nodded anyway. “yeah.”

there was no outburst. no angry words or tears. just silence again. and then he leaned back, exhaled a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes.

“i kinda saw it coming.”

yn bit the inside of her cheek. “i liked you. i really did. and you were good to me. but this… whatever we had—it feels like it was something short. sweet, but short. a fling that just… slowed down.”

he looked up at the sky, nodded once. “we were fun.”

“we were,” she said softly. “and maybe we still can be. just not like this.”

“i never wanted to hold you back,” he said.

“you didn’t.”

he paused, then asked—very gently—“is it jay?”

she hesitated. not because she wanted to lie. but because her heart clenched the moment his name left sunghoon’s mouth. so she said, quietly:

“it’s not because of him. but… i won’t pretend he didn’t make me realise some things.”

sunghoon nodded again, slower this time. “he always looked at you like he knew something the rest of us didn’t.”

yn swallowed the lump in her throat. “i never wanted to hurt you.”

“i know.” he offered her a small, tired smile. “and i think i’ll still be around. just… as a friend.”

“i’d like that.”

they sat there for a while longer. two people who had once held hands and hearts, now just holding onto the soft understanding that sometimes, love didn’t last. and sometimes… that was okay.

✭

she cried herself to sleep that night.

not because of sunghoon. she felt guilty admitting it, even to herself, but her tears had little to do with him. that conversation had been quiet, mutual, almost too calm. there were no raised voices, no dramatic walkaways, no last-minute “don’t go”—just a soft, shared acceptance that whatever they had was over.

it wasn’t grief for that relationship that kept her chest heavy under the covers. it was something else entirely.

jay.

the thought of him with someone else—smiling at someone else the way he used to smile at her, even if only in passing—burned. the idea of him genuinely moving on, meaning the words he texted and not just pretending for her sake, was what made her turn over in bed and bury her face into her pillow.

she hadn’t broken up with sunghoon for jay. she didn’t do it to choose someone else. but maybe, deep down, she had still hoped. hoped that when she finally set herself free, jay would be right there. waiting. like he always had been. like he used to be.

but now…

now, he was texting her like a friend. smiling in passing. not seeking her out like before. now, he might be liking someone else.

and the worst part?

she had no right to be upset about it. that’s what broke her.

she curled up tighter, fists gripping the corner of her blanket, chest aching with words she never got to say. i didn’t choose you because i wasn’t ready. but i wanted to. i wanted you.

tears soaked into her pillow as the night dragged on. and she thought to herself, god, i just hope he hasn’t stopped wanting me too.

mia was nice. that was the best jay could come up with. she was nice.

she had pretty hair, smelled like soft florals, wore tiny gold hoops that glinted every time she tucked her hair behind her ear. she laughed at his jokes—even the dumb ones—and knew how to keep a conversation going.

but the entire time, jay sat there politely nodding, smiling in all the right places, all while subconsciously chasing shadows. he shouldn’t have done that. he wasn’t that guy. then again, he really wasn’t some guy to be on a casual blind date jungwon wore him to attend. but here he was. laughing half heartedly at something she said, asking her random questions to continue on without awkwardness.

but every time mia said something, he caught himself thinking how yn would’ve said it differently. her sarcasm sharper. her eyes more expressive. when mia said she hated mint chocolate, he nearly laughed because yn would’ve agreed—loudly, dramatically, maybe even started a fake fight over it.

and when mia reached over to take a fry off his plate without asking, he stilled. yn used to do that too. only, when she did it, he never minded.

he was fucked. so hopelessly, pathetically fucked.

still, he wasn’t going to be a dick about it. he walked her to her stop, said he had fun, even smiled when she touched his arm and said she’d like to do this again sometime. he didn’t say no. he just said, “yeah, maybe.”

then walked the rest of the way home alone, hands in his jacket, the streets dark and cold.

when he stepped into the apartment, it was quiet, save for the faint glow of the tv. sunghoon was on the couch, legs stretched out, scrolling through something on his phone. he looked up once when jay kicked off his shoes.

“how was the date?” he asked, eyes returning to the screen.

jay shrugged. “fine.”

another beat. “she seemed cool,” sunghoon added casually.

“yeah. she was.” jay didn’t elaborate. he walked over and sat next to him, their shoulders nearly brushing.

the silence stretched, awkward but familiar. jay picked at a loose thread on the hem of his sleeve.

and then—quietly, without looking away from his phone—sunghoon said, “me and yn broke up. last night.”

jay’s fingers froze. his breath caught. just for a second.

but his voice came out even, too even. “what happened?”

sunghoon let out a soft laugh. not bitter. not amused either. just… tired. “nothing dramatic. we just stopped feeling like… us. guess we were holding onto something we already outgrew.”

jay looked over at him, trying to read between the lines. sunghoon didn’t look sad. didn’t look angry. if anything, he looked relieved. but also… resigned.

jay didn’t say anything for a while. he just nodded. “i’m sorry.”

and sunghoon—knowing exactly what jay meant and not what he said—nodded back.

he wasn’t stupid. he had seen the way jay looked at her, long before jay even realised he was doing it. he had seen the shift in yn too. he wasn’t angry. just… weirdly at peace with it.

he kept his gaze on the tv. “you know, you really suck at hiding shit.”

jay finally smiled. just a little. “yeah… i know.”

they sat there for a while, two boys in the quiet, both loving the same girl at different times. and in some tangled, painful, unspoken way—both letting her go.

they hadn’t spoken in over a week.

not a word, not a glance. no messages. no stolen eye contact in the hallway. just this unspoken understanding that maybe space was safer—until space began to feel suffocating.

so when yn and jay both stepped out of their stats class, test papers in hand, and nearly collided in the doorway, it was as if the universe had finally lost patience with their bullshit.

“oh,” she blinked, taking half a step back.

he stopped too, awkwardly shifting his paper to his other hand. “hey.”

there was a beat of silence before she held up her paper and grinned. “A minus.”

jay let out a low whistle, then held up his own with a smirk. “A plus.”

she rolled her eyes dramatically, laughing under her breath. “show off.”

and just like that, like the simplest of interactions, his heart did that annoying thing—it thudded. hard. like it still hadn’t learned to stop reacting to her smile.

they fell into step together, the sunlight catching in her hair as they walked down the stone path leading to the bus stop. the early afternoon buzzed around them, people passing by, bikes whirring, conversations floating in the air—but jay only heard the quiet between their footsteps.

she broke it first. “so… your date?”

jay chuckled, shoving one hand in his pocket. “it was okay.”

she raised an eyebrow. “just okay?”

“yeah,” he shrugged. “how’d you even know about it?”

she shot him a knowing look. “mia’s been parading you around class like you’re already hers. i’m surprised she didn’t bring you a lunchbox this week.”

jay snorted, running a hand through his hair. “that explains the stares.”

a small silence passed again. not uncomfortable, but dense. like there were words crawling at the back of both their throats.

and then jay said it. softly. “i heard about you and sunghoon.”

she nodded, eyes fixed on the sidewalk. “yeah. last week.”

jay glanced at her, trying to read the corners of her expression.

“it was just a short one, i guess,” she added after a moment, her voice light, but not detached.

he nodded with her, slow, lips twitching like he was holding something back. and then—before he could stop himself—he asked it.

“was it… because of me?”

yn’s steps faltered just slightly. she didn’t look at him right away, just stared ahead, blinking. then she turned her face to him, her expression unreadable at first—somewhere between amusement and vulnerability. 

a pause stretched, and then she smiled. not wide. not coy. just soft. like she was tired of pretending she didn’t have an answer. “maybe not just because of you,” she said quietly. “but… you didn’t exactly help.”

jay’s heart did that thing again.

he swallowed, gaze flicking to her lips and back up. “i’m sorry.”

she tilted her head. “for what?”

“for liking you,” he said, honest, raw. “even when i wasn’t supposed to.”

yn’s lips curved. and for a second, jay didn’t know if she was about to smile wider or walk away. but she just kept walking beside him, slower now. “you really suck at dates, by the way,” she muttered, nudging his arm.

and he laughed—really laughed—because somehow, even after everything, she was still his favorite person to be next to.

things settled into an odd kind of normal.

the same relentless bickering returned—sarcastic jabs and exaggerated eye rolls, arguments about literally everything under the sun: who was smarter, who looked better in their uniforms, whose stats paper was graded unfairly. but now there was a lightness to it. a flicker in their eyes, the way one smirked a little too long, the way the other blushed a little too fast.

they’d done this before, but it was different now. because now they knew.

jay knew exactly how she smiled when she was trying not to say something reckless. yn knew exactly how jay’s voice dropped when he was holding back too much.

they’d both been to the edge, toes curling at the boundary of something they shouldn’t cross, and now that they’d danced around it long enough, even sunghoon—of all people—was rooting for them.

he’d taken to calling their bickering flirting, usually with a mouthful of cereal and a raised brow. “just date already,” he’d said one evening, scrolling through his phone on the couch. “you’re killing the vibe with all that tension.”

they both had immediately denied it—at the same time—louder than necessary. sunghoon had just smirked. “whatever you say. just don’t drag me into your wedding speeches.”

and despite the quiet permission hanging in the air, they didn’t do anything. not right away. because bro code. and ex-girlfriend code. and the absolute mess that came with being so close yet still somehow in limbo.

but then came jake’s party. again.

a big one this time, packed and loud. the music pulsed through the walls like a heartbeat, and everything smelled like spiked soda and cheap perfume. yn had promised herself she’d take it easy. and then jay handed her a drink, his smirk making her forget every ounce of self-restraint.

she didn’t remember when they stopped drinking responsibly. somewhere between their third shared shot and her dramatic rant about the girl in the pink boots, jay was laughing beside her, tossing in jokes and reactions, his head thrown back, completely captivated by her storytelling.

they were inseparable that night.

he followed her around like he always did, teasing her every step, offering her his jacket when she stepped out for air and pulling her back into the party when her buzz began to fade. their shoulders touched constantly. her fingers curled around his wrist once when she almost tripped, and he didn’t let go for far too long.

and somehow, at some point, they ended up alone.

the hallway was dim, bathed in the leftover amber glow from the party lights. it was far enough from the crowd that everything else sounded like a muffled echo. they stood there, breathless from laughing, drinks still in hand but forgotten.

jay looked at her then, really looked. her lipstick was smudged from the cup, her eyes bright and unfocused. she leaned against the wall, head tilted, watching him the same way he was watching her.

there was silence. charged. heavy.

he stepped closer.

“so,” he said, voice soft, barely above a whisper. “we gonna keep pretending this doesn’t feel different now?”

yn blinked, eyes trailing from his lips to his collarbone and back up again. her heart thudded somewhere in her throat.

“i was gonna ask you the same thing,” she murmured, tilting her head just slightly.

his hand brushed against her hip, light and slow, testing the air between them.

“fuck it,” she whispered, barely audible.

and just like that his lips were on hers. it felt like the earth was caving in, the room was spinning—probably cause it was to them—like this was it. because it was

 jay was finally kissing her like she had been pleading for months. his lips were desperate but gentle and moved so preciously like he wanted to imprint the feeling of her lips forever.

he pulled away first but only to trail down to her neck, every single peck on her skin feeling electric. his hand, which had been flat on her hip, was now crunching at her dress, nails slightly digging into her skin making her hiss.

yn could barely keep her eyes open, not when his warm tongue was licking over her collarbone. a moan slid out, strangled but low and audible to him, heat immediately rushing down his body at the sound. 

“jay,” she called out breathless. he hummed into her neck, pulling away to look into her eyes, the gaze making her physically weak in the knees.

“i want you.” she said, like she meant it. and she fucking did. 

that was all it took for him to get moving. he took her by the hand to the nearest room—which seemed to be jake’s bathroom—locking the door and just looking at her. 

she was a little messy than when they originally entered the party, her hair undone, her dress crooked but still doing her justice. her eyes were trained to him, watching his next step.

he slowly walked closer, as if asking for permission for the millionth time and when her lips met his, he sounded out his everything into a guttural moan.

his jacket was on the floor in record time. the sleeve of her dress slipped off her shoulder as he took full advantage of the access he had been given. her hands tugged his hair as she felt his lips softly kiss down to her collarbone and over the lacy bra she had picked, hoping she would end up in this position.

his hands, that once gripped her waist, now found her thighs. she gasped at the feelings, heart thumping excitedly. he chuckled at the sound of her heart rate increasing against his mouth.

“are you excited, baby?” he asked softly, finally happy to be able to use that nickname for her. 

she whimpered in response, letting out a noise that suspiciously sounded like ‘please’.

he toyed more, wanting her to say it. beg him for it. “what was that, love?”.

she tried to stand her ground, to be—or at least pretend to be—confident. “you know what i want” she said, voice surprisingly stable despite the alcohol she had consumed.

his fingers that once played with the plush skin of her thighs, moved towards her core, that had somewhat dampened with all his teasing.

“fuck yn. how are you already so wet, my love? i haven’t even done anything.” he didn’t mean for it to come out in a groan, wanting to prolong teasing her but quite frankly, none of them could really wait anymore.

in the next second, his pant was by his ankles and she was propped up against the bathroom sink. her eyes trained down his leaking dick, which he held in his palm. his eyes were only on her. “are you sure about this yn? we can always do it some other time–”

“you talk WAY too much just fuck me jay.” that did it for him, lining up with her core. her nails dug into his shoulders as she gasped softly at the feeling of his tip against her folds. she could only chanted a mantra of ‘fuck fuck fuck’ as he slowly entered her. he was suspiciously quiet but his jaw slacked open at the feeling of her around him.

“holy shit you’re so tight” he mumbled, body jerking forward as she clenched around him. 

he only moved his hips when she gave him the go, hands holding her waist as he slowly moved in and out of her. a symphony of moans slipped out her mouth, his heart fluttering at the sound.

“you feel so good i’m..” she moaned out, head tilting back at the feeling. he leaned in, teeth grazing the neck of her skin, sending more heat to her stomach.

the sound of her voice only fueled him more, his pace increasing until they were both panting. he climaxed first, head against her shoulder. then he helped her through hers, drawing small circles on her bud.

“that was.. Insane” she huffed through. he nodded, kissing her sweaty forehead.

“it was good but i’m only now realising, our first time was in jake’s bathroom..” he said slowly.

yn’s eyes widened at the discovery, shaking her head in disgust as she dressed up quickly, mumbling “we better leave before we get AIDS or something”. jay just laughed.

✭

the bathroom door clicked shut behind them, soft and quiet, but their nerves buzzed like they had just fired a cannon in the middle of the party.

they walked side by side—casually, coolly, trying very hard to pretend they hadn’t just hooked up in the bathroom like reckless teenagers. they approached the group slowly: ness, heeseung, jungwon and a few others lounging on the couch, mid-conversation.

but the second the group saw them together, walking in sync and looking far too smug for two people who claimed they "weren’t a thing," everything stopped.

ness’ eyes narrowed.

heeseung tilted his head.

jungwon straight-up pointed. “you. two.”

yn’s eyes widened in mock innocence. jay rubbed the back of his neck, trying to play it cool.

“what?” yn asked, blinking.

“no way,” ness said, jaw dropped. “don’t even try to deny it—your hair is different, jay’s shirt is wrinkled, and you’ve been gone for exactly twenty-three minutes.”

heeseung gasped dramatically, grabbing a pillow and clutching it to his chest like he was in a soap opera. “y’all really did it in the bathroom?!”

jay opened his mouth to deny it, as did yn, both ready with some pre-decided excuse—but before they could even begin, the entire group cheered. loud, chaotic clapping, whooping, heeseung nearly falling off the couch.

“no shame!” ness shouted. “i knew it was gonna happen, but not like this.”

“you two are disgusting,” heeseung added, though he was grinning ear to ear.

jay and yn looked at each other, stunned for a second—then just gave in and laughed, cheeks flushed but not entirely from embarrassment.

she shook her head. “i hate you all.”

“you love us,” ness beamed, reaching out to pull her into the couch with them. jay followed after, dropping onto the floor beside her, his knee brushing against hers.

he looked up at her, eyes shining with mischief. “so… we’re really not denying it?”

yn leaned back, smirking. “they made it impossible.”

he grinned. “good.” because maybe it wasn’t supposed to be a secret anymore.

it was a lazy sunday afternoon.

the type where the sun slanted perfectly through the kitchen window and the city buzzed quietly in the background. the apartment was a mess — leftover containers from last night’s takeout on the coffee table, a blanket half on the couch, and jay’s hoodie thrown across one of the dining chairs. a spotify playlist hummed low in the background, something soft and indie and painfully romantic, not that either of them would admit to putting it on.

yn stood in front of the open fridge, hair tied in the world’s most unstable bun, a sour look on her face. “did you seriously eat all the mango yogurt?”

jay, sprawled across the floor with his back propped up by the couch. “it was expiring soon.”

“you ate four cups, jay.”

“i was being responsible.”

“you’re an idiot.”

he smiled, slow and wide, like he loved being called that by her. “and yet you’re dating me.”

she groaned dramatically, slamming the fridge shut. “god, what a mistake.”

he laughed, actually laughed, before sitting up and patting the spot beside him. “come here, mistake-maker. you can yell at me up close.”

yn rolled her eyes, but she crossed the room anyway, dropping down beside him and stealing the throw pillow from behind his back just to spite him. 

jay turned to her, watching her face like he still couldn’t believe he got to look at her this close. “you love me,” he said smugly, like he was stating a universal truth.

she snorted. “sure.”

“no, say it,” he leaned in closer, lips brushing the side of her cheek. “say you love me.”

“i like you.”

“love.”

“tolerate.”

he kissed her then — just because he could. because it had taken them a whole mess of jealousy, broken friendships, midnight drives, stupid parties, and one too many bad decisions to get here. and because even through all of it, all the bickering and banter, the push and pull, she was his.

when they broke apart, yn was smiling — soft, teasing.

“i love you,” she whispered.

jay grinned like it physically pained him not to kiss her again. “told you so.”

she shoved him lightly. “ugh, i change my mind.”

but she didn’t. she never could.

and even as they argued over what to order for lunch five minutes later (because of course they did), even as she threatened to smother him with a pillow if he didn’t stop playing with the light switch like a five-year-old, it was obvious to everyone — to ness, to heeseung, to the group chat that never slept — that this was it for them.

a love built on chaos, stubbornness, endless teasing, and the kind of loyalty that stuck around — even when it was hard.

even when it was them.

© ikeu05, 2025

[the-balloon-shed]

imma be honest I want to make a fic of this one day but for right now you just get me running wild with this headcanon

you know how there's those videos of surgeons being "inspirational" to their interns and then saying the meanest shit in the world? yeah, I think that's Iceman as an instructor at TOPGUN. 

Just the dry, rough sense of humor? The perfectly attenuated phrase in order to knock the arrogance out of some of these scrappy pilots? That's Iceman. The evidence is there in TG86! it's ICE who is saying the most bratty shit to Maverick. His criticisms are almost always valid or born of a real curiosity that's worth looking into, which I think is key, but he expresses it in the rudest and most inciting way possible. 

"Who was covering Cougar while you were showboating --"; (in response to Slider's calling Goose and Mav "famous") "I think you mean notorious"; "I don't like you 'cause you're dangerous" -- I mean Ice is right but he's also a bitch. (we don't have time to unpack ALL of what went into Ice goading Maverick seconds after meeting him with "need help figuring it out? who's the best pilot?" like my god man). 

So, some contenders for some of the commentary Ice might have for his students -- 

"Keep flying like that, I'm going to assume you're getting kickbacks from the military hospital." 

"I can only hope one day you fly for the enemy." 

"I was thrilled to hear the Navy's policy initiative for accommodating more disabilities went into action this year, however, I do think they should reconsider sending me blind pilots." 

"Are you on your wingman's life insurance or something?" 

"What did I say about making the same mistake twice?" "At least tell you I've learned something?" "No. What I said is don't." 

"Resist the urge to help me."

"I'm not looking for the best you can do. I'm looking for the best, period. So if you can't do any better, I suggest trying to emulate somebody else who can." 

"Well, you're no Artful Dodger, but artless dodging kept you alive well enough this time, I suppose." (I think it would be funny if he incidentally gave this poor pilot the callsign Dodger because of this, or A.D. for Artless Dodger)

"Did the Academy change its curriculum? Emphasize the element of surprise?" "Um... why do you ask, sir?" "Because you fly like you've never been inside a plane before." 

And I think he might say this to a colleague trying to pull rank over him that he neither respects nor cares about:

"I've neither the time, nor the crayons, to explain this to you." 

I think Mav would be so annoyed, too. "why do I have the reputation for being hard to work with when you're going around saying the meanest crap to these kids?" 

All Ice would do is laugh. "Sounds like a personal problem." 

Not to say that Ice is an asshole without restraint. Hell, the Iceman is all about restraint. He doesn't kick people when they're down. He doesn't say cutting stuff like this to people who are genuinely trying and not being a showoff. This is to knock overly arrogant kids down a few pegs, not send people into a shame self-doubting spiral, and Ice is usually pretty damn good at walking that line. 

Like, I imagine one of the students not understanding something to do with the physics portions of their classes and so he goes to Ice super nervous about getting reamed, and Ice is very patient with him. When Mav comes in and starts talking to Ice about instructor stuff, the student goes "oh, I can come back later, you know I think I'm getting it!" out of fear of wasting Ice's time and Ice would chuckle and be like "no, you clearly don't get it, and that's fine. Easier to teach you on dry land as opposed to up in the air, so let's keep working through it. Long as Mav's not about to talk to me about anything confidential --" which Mav shakes his head no "--alright, then how about you sit right there and keep working at it until you get it, and you will get it. If you've got the time, I've got the time, so let's get it done," and the kid stays in the office and keeps working at it for hours, occasionally checking his work with Mav and Ice until, voila, he does actually get it and also has a whole new understanding of Ice. 

Or if, god forbid, anyone had an accident, Ice would be all over trying to help with that (and help Mav work through it too) and protecting the students from any fallout from the brass because fuck them, they don't know what it's like to be in the air anymore. 

I also think that before the TOPGUN class starts, Ice would find Mav checking on all the canopies of all the jets and, once Ice realized that was what Mav was doing, would spend the next several hours with him helping out and making sure everything was operating properly, even though engineering had already looked at them. Can never be too sure, and if it provides Mav peace of mind, then Ice will do it, no questions asked. 

And so, despite saying some of the rudest crap most of these students have ever heard, they all love him. They all respect the ever-living-crap out of him, and learn to find him actually just kind of funny. It'd be a lot harder to like him if he were wrong, but he's so rarely wrong that in the end even the ones who do get pissed off at him manage to calm down. Students, as they graduate and leave TOPGUN, would probably talk to other graduating classes when they meet them on deployments like "oh my god, what did he say to your class?" "he once said --" "I didn't find it funny then but now I laugh every time I think about it -- " "he helped me figure out how to do..." so on so forth. 

There are a couple of the brass that aren't amused, but I think that's where Mav would come into play in his own way. Because Ice is good at what he does, and Mav sure as hell wants him around, and so should everyone else. Ice is just also not afraid to be an asshole about being good -- which the last person this is news to is Maverick. 

Maverick's just the only one Ice has encountered who can give as good as he gets, which is why as instructors, they do a pretty damn good job working together to whip their classes into shape. It's just funny that never in a million years did Mav think he'd be the "good cop" in their good cop/bad cop instructor situation, but he's resigned himself to his fate all the same. 

[zushikiss]

night time confusion

summary ; your lover is sleeping and you decide to wake them up.. only to tell them to sleep again!

warnings ; use of several petnames, mentions of cursing in wanderer’s but that’s it, feel free to send an ask if i forgot any!

pairing ; heizou, diluc, wanderer, kaeya x gn!reader (separately)

notes ; hi guys i love my gf btw, ALSO I SAW THIS PRANK ON TIKTOK AND idk i thought it was kinda funny teehee, i missed genshin so i think i’m gonna start posting again, also if i did the current boyfriend trend thing, who would you want to see?

HEIZOU

Your detective lover was already deep asleep, he’s been on leave since he cracked a huge case, though you think it’s time to have a little fun, just to keep him on his toes, y’know?

“Babe, wake up.”

Heizou was a pretty light sleeper, his eyes fluttered open, sitting up and rubbing his eyes as he looked around.

“What’s wrong, lover?”

“You should go to sleep, it’s already late.”

He looked at the clock at your bedside table, nodding before laying down, his arm wrapping around your waist.

“Go to sleep, ‘s not fun playing tricks this late, lover.”

He mumbled, still half asleep. In the morning he got you back with something mundane, like putting your coffee in a bowl and your cereal in a mug, or something of the sorts.

DILUC

Your fiancé was snoring slightly, deep asleep as his arm was heavily wrapped around your middle. You tapped his shoulder once. Then again, and a few more times before he shuffled around, pulling you closer. He spoke in a deep voice, still dripping with sleep.

“What’s the matter?”

One of his eyes opened, peeking at you.

“Hm, we should go to sleep, it’s already late.”

“You sure? What’s wrong?”

He waited till you fell asleep first, his arm cradling you a bit closer, he asked a couple bajillion times to make sure nothing was wrong and you didn’t need or want anything. The next morning, Diluc acted indifferent, simply shrugging it off while plating your waffles.

“I thought you needed something.”

“It’s fine if I wake you up in the middle of the night for something?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? I’m marrying you.”

WANDERER

He’d been a little more teasing these days, maybe it was the Liyue air making him act up. You decided to go for a little vacation to the neighboring nations, just to explore a bit. You tugged on his collar. His brow furrows and you know he’s awake, he’s just not opening his eyes yet. You lightly yank his sleeve to which he wakes up.

“What?”

“Nothing, we should go to sleep.”

“That was what I was doing till you decided to wake me up, are you sure it’s for nothing?”

“Yes.”

“Archons, I’m trying not to cuss you right now.”

“You know you love me.”

He rolls his eyes, putting one of his arms on the pillow so you could lay your head on it.

“Go to sleep.”

The next morning he was a bit grumpy, but he still held your hand as you walked along the harbor, so you knew he didn’t care, much at least.

KAEYA

He’d always been the playful one, but lately he’s been teasing a certain cute spark knight a little too much. Now, you loved your husband dearly, but you also loved Klee, and you had made a little promise to get her uncle Kaeya back.

“Kaeya, honey, my love, get up.”

“What? What’s happening? Who’s there?”

“Let’s go to sleep already, Kae.”

You tried to suppress your laughter, though this cavalry captain had already gotten the gist of your joke.

“Not funny, my beauty sleep is important.”

He acted mad, had a pout, yet he still cuddled you a bit closer. The next morning, he acted dramatically, saying that he aged ten years from his lack of sleep.

[rory-multifandom-mess]

Exitor Coiny AU - Infodump

I’m finally doing this thing, yay!

AU PREMISE: Coiny is eliminated in BFB Episode 8 instead of Loser! When the EXITors try to escape in the split episode, Stapy escapes in Coiny's place. Coiny spends 6 years in the EXIT along side Pencil, Match, and the others. Once out of Four's head, he gets voted into TPOT instead of Liy.

Ever since the EXIT, Coiny has been much more self-sacrifical. All throughout his time inside, he spent most of it purposefully getting on Four's nerves in order to pull attention off of his fellow classmates.

Mentally, Coiny is still stuck inside, fighting a battle that has long been over, protecting others from an imaginary threat.

I didn't know how to properly fit this in the little "introduction" thing, but another change is that Tree gets voted out in TPOT 16 instead of Pin. Anyways, let's get into these Fun Facts!

IN THE EXIT:

In canon, when Loser gets eliminated, Donut just shoves him in a Jawbreaker and he stays in there until the split episode. Coiny would have broken out right when Four finally comes back and sends him and the others into the EXIT

Most of the other EXITors have mixed feelings on him; while his antics did get them out of Four's crosshairs, his constant pissing them off would get them more work assigned.

They did think it was funny at first. But slowly they grew annoyed, and some would even tell him to stop because he would just get himself hurt.

A few things Coiny would do to piss Four off include: - Throwing crumpled up pieces of paper (or other things) at the back of their head - Purposefully interrupting them - Asking insanely off-topic questions - Spitballs - He would never do the work - Randomly getting up and walking around and other disruptive behaviors.

Not only does he do these things out of protection, it is also his strange version of revenge. To him, he is teaching Four a lesson. To everyone else, Coiny is only making a fool of himself.

Coiny would also constantly try to find ways to get out of the classroom, from climbing through a vent to trying to climb out through the ceiling panels. No matter what, though, Four would always catch him.

Though most of the EXITORs don't exactly like him, he views them all as his friends, especially Match, Liy, and Pencil. They all went through something traumatic together, and that means something to him. (Match and Liy because he was teamed up with them in their final escape, and Pencil because she would scold him the most for pissing Four off.)

His values toward friendship and loyalty are even stronger now because of his experience.

Though Coiny doesn't show it, he is also afraid of Four. He hides it in his anger by making Four's life a living hell. - This doesn't mean his fear doesn't make itself known at times. Sometimes he'll flinch when Four starts speaking, or his heart will sink when they look at him.

BUTTERFLY EFFECT; PEN

His friendship with Coiny is rekindled since they're on the same team.

Coiny relies on him when Pin isn't around due to her now being on Death Pact's team

Unfortunately, due to Coiny's focus being on Four, Pen is left to deal with his anger towards Pencil alone.

He doesn't find a good, healthy way to let out his anger, so it simply festers. And festers. And builds. Until he is overwhelmed and can't take it anymore, eventually lashing out aggressively (illustrated in this post)

With Coiny's (late) help, he learns how to let his anger out through talking it out instead of getting physically aggressive like Liy teaches him in canon.

BUTTERFLY EFFECT; PIN

The last time she saw him before his elimination was in BFB 7, the twinkle episode where they have that talk under the basket.

Coiny's absence, at first, leaves her sad, obviously. She basically has the same issue she did in TPOT 9 just way earlier.

His absence is clearly felt by her, which would lead to her asking herself "what would Coiny say?" frequently

The decisions made on her team(s) by him would likely be made by her instead, taking up the role as leader again.

She would also likely become even closer with other characters like Needle, Donut, Saw, and Gaty now that her "object of affection" (get it) is missing

She would be very concerned seeing him act the way he would once in TPOT. She didn't think he would be effected by it all, quickly realizing she'd be wrong.

EXTRA INFO ABOUT COINY

He has picked up random little hobbies from the other EXITors, most notably origami from Stapy (this is a headcanon within a headcanon but basically Stapy would miss Foldy and Marker so much he'd make little origami friends in class of the two of them)

He has a really hard time adjusting to Pin not being constantly by his side, both when he first enters the EXIT and when he rejoins TPOT. The TPOT rejoin is even tougher because he knows she's reachable, but they're against each other.

He doesn't fully recognize why he acts the way he does.

Coiny's "love language" is physical touch. So you can imagine how rough it would be going 6 years without affectionate touch, y'know like hand holding, someone leaning on him- pretty much all the things he'd do with Pin - His reunion with Pin was very emotional, he basically started crying the moment she hugged him

The little mindscape he shares with Pin has been effected by this, reflecting his mental state;

it is now inflicted with a blue haze. In addition to this, the shift between orange, pink, red, and yellow is much faster than normal and it is extremely loud in there. So much so that the sheer amount of noise, from static buzzing to echoed shouts and electricity zapping, stops Pin from being able to reach him through their telepathic connection.

The scuffs on Coiny's face are permanent. He also has permanent nerve damage in his right arm, an after effect of being zapped by Four so damn frequently. Also, migraines sometimes, due to frequent screeching from Four

-------------------

Ok that's all for now methinks! I might post a masterpost later to keep track of my various doodle dumps and other info (and the lovely fanart I've been getting)

[florineseexpertfanfic]

Not an Idiot

Title: Not an Idiot

Rated: General Audience

Fandom/Pairing: Sonic the Hedgehog/Shadamy

Despite what certain mobians may think, Sonic the Hedgehog was actually a pretty smart dude. He was cunning, calculated, and caring. Sure, there were moments where his feet went faster than his brain- but everyone has moments like that. 

So despite what certain mobians think,  Sonic was pretty smart, and he noticed a lot of things. 

That ‘certain mobian’ was starting to spend an awful lot of time in Green Hills. Especially when he knew Amy Rose was going to be present. The same mobian also seemed to be always around in a fight. Now, that in itself wasn't unusual. That hedgehog hybrid loved a good fight. 

But Sonic noticed that if, for whatever reason, Amy wasn’t involved, then he would not bother to show up. He would claim that ‘his team can handle such small things’.

But it wasn’t just Shadow acting oddly. Amy was just as bad. Whenever the group of them got together, her emerald eyes scanned the room. When she didn't see him, her ears drooped. When he was, they always seemed to find themselves next to each other.  Her whole demeanor would change. She would be happier, peppier. She couldn't help but smile- and he would smile too, in his own ‘I'm too cool for this but can't help it’ way.

If they weren't together, then she would almost constantly be on her phone. Before, if she received a message, she had no problem with her curious friends. Sonic, being ever nosey, would always ask who she was talking to. Amy would smile, and say whomever it was- Cream, Rouge. If it was something funny or cute, she would show it to him.

Now she jumped, startled, and locked her phone screen claiming it was ‘Nothing!’. 

Sonic leaned back into the couch in Tail’s workshop, his legs spreading out, listening to his incredibly smart fox friend go on about his newest invention. He was listening, but he heard a light giggle that caught his attention. His ear twitched. His green eyes shifted to behind Tails, where he saw Amy, sitting at the desk, phone in hand. Tails didn’t notice her not paying a lick of attention.

Then he felt a slight vibration in his quills and pulled his phone out. He gestured to Tails to keep talking, which the fox gladly did, and opened up the text message from the thread entitled ‘Rouge 🦇 🧡’. 

I think he is texting her again! XD

Below this message came a photo of Shadow, eyes glued to his phone, a smile on his face. He did not seem to notice that Rouge snuck a photo of him, or even that she was present. 

Sonic, grinning, held his phone up and snapped a picture of Amy. She was leaning on the desk, phone in hand, a shining smile on her pretty face. She looked so happy.

Tail joined Sonic at his side and placed a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. Sonic simply sent Rouge the picture, a sly smile on his lips.

 STOP THEY ARE SO CUTE!!! 🩷🖤

Rouge’s text made Tails and Sonic laugh out loud, startling Amy from her little world and causing her to blush. 

“Sorry! What’s going on?” Amy asked, locking her phone and placing it face down on the desktop.

“Nothing. Just an inside joke between me and Tails.” Sonic looked up at her, a knowing smile gracing his face. “What’s got you so locked in?"

“Oh!” A light blush dusted her muzzle, making the pretty hedgehog glow. “Just,  uh, reading one of those romance stories. It's silly, but good.”

Just then, her phone chimed, and with no hesitation she picked it up.  As she unlocked the screen,  Sonic stood and quickly dashed to be behind her. 

“What's it called?” Sonic laughed as Amy struggled to lock her phone. But he had a quick glance at it,  and it confirmed everyone's suspicions. 

“Ah!” Amy jumped off her seat and began walking to the front door of Tails’ workshop. “I, uh, actually have to get going. See ya later,  guys!”

The two friends watched as Amy hurried down the front path. Once she was well and truly out of sight,  Tails turned to Sonic.

“So, what did you find out?”

“That she misses him, he misses her, and he can't wait until she is back in his arms.”

“Wow!” the young fox exclaimed. “Didn't realize it was that serious.”

“Never knew the old man had it in him. But he did it, he successfully swept Amy Rose off her feet.”

Sonic’s phone dinged, and the hedgehog saw another message from Rouge pop up.

He’s suddenly leaving. My entertainment is over.

Sonic’s thumbs flew over his keyboard. 

Amy just left too. Think they are meeting up?

I’m following him.

Right behind ya.

_________________________________________

The flower garden attached to the park was gorgeous… but not as beautiful as the pink hedgehog that was walking towards him. This place had become one of their secret spots, a place for them to meet. 

Shadow still couldn't believe his good luck. A few months ago, he started becoming closer to the girl of his dreams. Now he felt his heart race at the sight of her smile. He wasn’t sure what they were yet. It had only been a couple of weeks, but they had taken to stealing a few private moments here and there.

Holding her in his arms had become addictive.

“Hey.” Amy greeted, stepping easily into his arms. She smiled, pursing her lips slightly.

He eagerly met her lips with his own, giving her a chaste kiss. 

“Hi.”

If holding her was addictive, it didn’t compare to her kisses. He felt his toes curl in his air shoes as she lightly pinched his back quills, her lips dancing along with his.

“I missed you.”

Shadow, in his trademark dead- pan way, replied dryly. “You saw me yesterday.”

“Oh, well, if that’s how you want to play it, I can easily leave you alone for a few days-” Amy began, pulling away from his arms.

He was having none of that. Tugging gently, the pink hedgehog fell back into his arms, and he kissed her again. It was something that he could do for the rest of their lives. 

“Shadow…” Amy murmured against his muzzle. “I…”

Amy Rose pulled back, her emerald eyes searching his crimson ones. He looked at her,  as if she was the whole world sitting in his arms. 

“Would you like to go out with me?” The words tumbled from her lips, bringing along a clenching sensation in her stomach. She had spoken this question many times before, to a different hedgehog, only to be reminded over and over of their friendship- and nothing more.

Shadow leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. The tension in her released in a sigh. 

“Yes.”

“EEEEEEH!”

“WHOA!”

Snap, tumble, thud.

Sonic laid on his back, staring up at the blue sky. He briefly saw the bottom of Rouge’s boots as she took off into the air, going to hide amongst the top of the trees. His vision was suddenly filled with the face of a very angry hedgehog hybrid, staring down at him with disgust. 

When Shadow said yes to Amy, Rouge had squealed, making Sonic tumble forward. Sonic gulped. 

“You have two seconds to explain yourself.”

Sonic the Hedgehog, despite what Shadow thought, was actually pretty smart.  He knew when to run. 

Luckily for him, he also knew how to run. 

“See ya!”

He didn't need to look behind him to know that the black hedgehog was chasing after him. 

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Hi there!

I have a request for a Viscount Druitt (Black Butler) analysis.

I've never seen an in depth analysis on his character before and would be curious to hear your thoughts.

Feel free to deny/ignore this ask if you aren't comfortable with it.

Hello! Just wanted to say thanks for enjoying my analysis enough to trust me with a character deep dive!

I’ll be honest, Viscount Druitt isn’t a character I can analyze in great depth, given how little canon material we have on him. However, I feel like i can make a hopefully well thought out piece with what we have of him so, i can only wish you a happy reading as we get into this!!

Also I want to point out: I do NOT endorse Viscount's character or his actions, I believe it is still valuable to analyze his character. This is done out of respect for Yana Toboso's writing, which intentionally crafts such figures to critique real-world systems and moral decay. Exploring characters like Druit can open up meaningful discussion about power, vanity, corruption, and societal rot, especially when viewed through a psychological or literary lens.

Aleister Chamber is a walking contradiction: charming yet predatory, elegant yet grotesque.

So Aleister Chamber, famously known as Viscount Druitt, is presented to us as an incredibly conceited and arrogant individual with an inflated sense of self-importance, often given to theatrical and exaggerated outbursts.

The Viscount's literal introduction to the series is as a part-time semi-antagonist for our earl and butler. He was suspected as Jack the Ripper, so o!Ciel and Sebastian go undercover to catch him.

We quickly find out the messed up part of this character, as o!Ciel had to literally "lure" Druitt by flirting with him, quickly gaining the man's attention.

May I remind you all, o!Ciel is 13 years old and even if he's crossdressing, he clearly looks like a child, Druitt finds the "girls" youthful apparence much more appealing.

At o!Ciel's insistance, Aleister guides him to a concealed room, where he releases a soporific gas that causes the kid to lose consciousness.

It is then revealed that Aleister is a host and important piece for underground auctions, he addresses the crowd, unveiling our earl bound and blindfolded, as the highly anticipated item up for bid.

He presents various disturbing options: the "girl" could be kept in a cage, toyed with, used in a ritual, or even dismembered and sold piece by piece, depending on the buyer's desires.

As we know, Viscount is proven to not being Jack the Ripper, yet his "hobby" doesn't get him off the hook, he's still a clearly horrible person. I personally think he's a personafication of the corrupt aristocracy of Victorian society.

Even after being arrested for his heinous crimes, Viscount Druit manages to buy his way out of legal consequences. This detail, while frustrating, feels intentional.

Rather than being a narrative oversight, it serves as a sharp critique of the Victorian nobility’s corruption: a class drenched in power and wealth that even the gravest crimes can be brushed aside through bribery and influence.

Anyways, Druitt is revealed to be a judge in the curry fair, he gives very theatrical and dramatic reviews. Sebastian's curry, reminds the Viscount of o!Ciel when he cross dressed to lure him (lol).

And while this bit is funny, i think the fact he's rambling about a young "girl" he literally drugged and attempted to sell is well....disturbing.

The fact that he speaks of this memory so fondly and publicly without recognizing its horror highlights how morally bankrupt and deluded he is.

Yana Toboso plays this for dark comedy, but beneath the humor is a chilling commentary on how trauma and abuse can be minimized or romanticized in elite circles.

amidst the theatricality of Viscount Druit’s judging, there's a brief, easily overlooked panel where o!Ciel visibly shudders at Druit’s offhand comment about the “beautiful girl” from a past party.

To readers familiar with the context, this moment is chilling: o!Ciel is reminded, in public and without warning, of a time when he was drugged, bound, and nearly sold into human trafficking.

While Druit reminisces with comical flair, o!Ciel’s body language signals genuine distress.

And I think it's very important that yana's writing style ties comedy with deep layers of darkness with sometimes even foreshadowing.

comedic moment that serves as a nod to foreshadowing a dark event e.g n1:

From this comedic moment of Agni’s over-the-top devotion to the prince:

To Agni genuienly risking his life for him:

Comedic moment that sets up as a dark reality e.g n2:

from this cute and silly pannel of o!Ciel finding out Santa isn't real:

Jumping to o!Ciel relating this story to him renouncing his faith in God due to the abuse him and his brother have endoured:

So back to it, Viscount's over the top and whimsicaly funny jokes come with a dark or disturbing price.

Although these exaggerated outburts are meant to be portrayed as humorous, it is important to consider the context behind them, here's an example of one of Druitt's "funny" moments:

That wierdly drawn out of pocket sexual scene of Harcourt shitting his pants, I’m still convinced to this day that Druitt was the one who saw Harcourt’s... “issue” in an erotic and overly romanticized way.

That’s why there’s that little image of him putting on his glasses to get a closer look, blushing as he comments on how “nice” this implied 13- or 14-year-old boy is.

Maybe im reaching but, it frames Harcourt’s incredibly vulnerable situation through an oddly romanticized and sexualized lens, and it makes so much sense for this to be especially from Druitt's perspective.

Aleister views people: especially women and underage individuals he finds attractive, as objects for entertainment or exploitation. I feel like this "comedic" moment captures that disturbing element.

Despite his outward charm and refinement, he is ultimately seen as a fool by the major characters in the series:

Francis, who possesses keen intuition (her dislike towards Sebastian as an example) and a strong aversion to men who cause trouble, clearly dislikes him and harbors deep distrust toward him.

Sebastian, o!Ciel, Grell, and Ronald—three of whom are supernatural beings—harbor such intense annoyance toward Viscount Druit that they openly express a desire to kill him.

What’s particularly intriguing is that Undertaker, a character known for his discerning eye, disdain for shallow aristocracy, and preference for the "beautiful" dead, actually vouches for Druit, even going so far as to physically protect him.

While characters like Sebastian, Grell, Ronald, and Ciel express open contempt and even murderous annoyance toward the viscount, Undertaker finds him amusing enough to keep alive.

But then begs the question, why would Undertaker want to keep such a grotesque, ridiculous, aristrocrat alive?

Well, he answers this question, in a way:

Undertaker might see Druit as a kind of walking joke, a grotesque caricature of the rotting nobility, and thus a living symbol of everything that’s wrong with Victorian society.

Much like someone keeping a grotesque but rare artifact, Undertaker could find Druit’s unique blend of foolishness, depravity, and theatricality too entertaining to discard.

Ultimately, this odd dynamic invites us to question how value is measured in the eyes of someone like Undertaker, and whether entertainment, unpredictability, or strategic utility can outweigh morality: even when it involves a man as loathsome as Aleister Druit.

So here he goes again, Druit goes scot-free despite deserving harm and this time, without bribes.

Yana Toboso portrays Druit not merely as comic relief or a grotesque semi-antagonist, he symbolizes the moral rot hidden behind polished high-society refinement. The ease with which he evades justice reflects the systemic protection of the elite.

His survival may not be justified within the story morally—but it is realistic in the most infuriating way. The same way he didn't face consequences for literal human trafficking.

All in all, Alister is the embodiment of everything rotten about the elite class: vain, self-obsessed, theatrically ignorant, and wildly disconnected from reality.

Through Druit, Toboso satirizes how aristocrats in Victorian England (and honestly, still today) could commit horrifying acts with impunity, so long as they maintained the appearance of class and contributed to elite social circles. He exists in a decadent bubble, where wealth and name shield him from accountability.

He’s not punished by the system: he is the system.

Druit’s involvement in the human auction, where children and women are sold as commodities, is not just a plot device, it’s a bold commentary on the historical reality of how vulnerable groups are exploited by the rich.

Even more disturbing is how no one in his social circle seems surprised or outraged, and when he’s arrested, he simply bribes his way out.

The narrative reflects the painful truth that many real-world abusers and traffickers in high places face little or no consequence, especially when they wear the mask of civility.

Despite openly committing horrible crimes and being disliked by virtually every major character (many of whom are supernatural beings who could end him instantly), Druit keeps popping back up—alive, free, and more absurd than ever.

Even Undertaker, a character who sees the beauty in death and the flaws of the living, finds Druit too entertaining to kill. This isn’t mercy: it’s mockery.

It suggests that Druit is so pathetic, so far gone, that death would be too serious a punishment for him. He is the walking punchline to a cruel joke about power, survival, and the failure of justice.

In keeping Druit alive, the narrative emphasizes the horror of normalized corruption: we laugh at him, recoil at him, and yet... he persists. And that’s the point.

Viscount Druit may be ridiculous, but he is far from harmless. He is a grotesque exaggeration of very real societal failures: how power shields predators, how appearances excuse exploitation, and how the worst people often face the fewest consequences.

By satirizing him so sharply, Yana Toboso doesn’t excuse his existence: she condemns the world that allows it.

Viscount Druit is a flamboyant aristocrat whose vanity and hunger for admiration hides a hollow, dangerous core. His character critiques both the performative nature of high society and the moral rot hidden beneath its polished surface.

He is ridiculous, vile, and ultimately pitiful: a useful minor villain who reinforces the series’ darker themes through satire and shock.

Andddd that's all folks, thanks for reading! :)

[linoyes]

home and i have post concert thoughts so 🥲

first of all they were sooooo good the energy was insane and they were so funny 🥹

chan always looks soooo happy to be on stage and its contagious my cheeks were hurting after from smiling 😭😭😭 love that guy sm

lino was so silly yday u would think hyunjin had rolled in catnip the way he was laying and dancing on him

HAN DID HIS MIROH RAP IN FRONT OF US......... PEOPLE DIED

one of the girls behind me saw her name on the screen during cinema and the girl next to her was crying 😭😭😭 also seungmin trying to find jennifer f after to make sure the names were real 😭

hyunjin was on fire every time the screen showed him im pretty sure i looked like this :O

felix saying cooked a million times and chan saying he was hooked on cooked... shaking him shaking him

when they had split up the floors to see who was loudest and seungmin said who wants me.. amazing that i still have my voice.. and then he had us booing the other floors 😌 we love an instigator

seungmin wearing a braves jersey towards the end 😭😭😭 i grew up w my grandparents being huge braves fans and them taking us to games so just a full circle moment for me

for chk chk boom i think? the screen in front of us had glitched out in the middle and lino looked back so confused he stopped walking for a sec.. for some reason very endearing to me waiting for scientists to get back to me on that one

as much as i was sad abt not seeing the solos live the duets were so good i was rly trying to not record the whole time but after truman started i had to whip my phone right tf back out like 😭 the energy and vocals for all of them.. insane

2min trying to get us to sing cinema for them but it died off and lino was giving everyone the 🤨 and seungmin going u guys are the best singers like we didn't fail him aldhdk

really amazing to me that they are always working so hard and yet still have so much energy to give for concerts they deserve every bit of success they have and more 🫶 tldr i love skz a normal amount and definitely didnt cry on the way home

[gofu-kurself]

modern harringroveson track and field stars! au

OK HEAR ME OUT i knowww eddie is like the epitome of anti sports BUT i feel like modern him would run cross country… maybe a hot take BUT like. can’t you imagine him just putting in headphones to some dnd podcast and running for like 3 hours straight through the woods lost in his own head before realizing he just ran a marathon 😵‍💫 his messy sweaty ponytail and lanky ass limbs just give long distance runner to meeee idk

and okay yes obviously billy and steve are more traditional jocks. like billy probably does something strength reliant like shot put or javelin and maybe steve does pole vaulting or shorter speed distances like the 100m or 400m

anyways i can just see them all hanging before practice and stuff and just generally being sporty and nerdy doofuses who shoot the shit with one another but also are hot for one another but also care so deeply about one other 😭

also: eddie can literally eat both of them under the table (not like that u pervert). but like literally, he burns so many calories a day running distance and has the metabolism of a fuckin hummingbird. so even tho he’s a twig (albeit a toned as fuck twig) compared to steve and billy, he eats like 3 more servings then both of them at any given meal. steve and billy are always shook even tho it happens every time.

anyways here’s a lil snippet that devolved into them being horny because my brain is harringroveson mush and they’re just like thatttt:

“dude where do you even put all that?!” steve asks as he pulls jokingly at eddie’s hair, staring at him with a fearful yet awed (aroused??) expression.

“meh fat ass” eddie mumbles, swatting steve’s hand away and continuing to devour his second burger loaded with fries.

“bitch, you couldn’t do leg day with us if you tried” billy pokes fun as he throws a fry into munson’s face from where he’s sitting across the diner booth.

“well, you couldn’t survive the zombie apocalypse if you tried,” eddie snarks, grabbing the fry from where it landed in his mane of hair and eating it, because ya know, he’s a fucking human garbage disposal, apparently.

“what the actual fuck does that have to do with anything?” billy grumbles, unsure what his nerdy boyfriend is on about this time.

“you can’t outrun the zombies, baby. obviouslyy, duh? even with their zombie slo-mo walk, you’re toooo slow,” eddie grins and shoulder checks steve, trying to get a rise out of his other boyfriend at his pathetic jab.

steve throws his hands up immediately in distress, “oh fuck no, i’m not getting involved in your weird ‘long distance versus field event’ dick measuring superiority contest again. i’m fucking switzerland this time, pleading the fifth. i’m not tryna sleep on the couch tonight.”

“munson won’t be sleeping in the goddam apartment tonight if he keeps running his mouth,” billy says with a bitchy snarl they all know is for show.

eddie pretends to faint, his hand over his head like a flailing maiden, flopping unceremoniously onto steve, who lets out a huff, “i want you i need you oh baby oh baby.” eddie quotes sarcastically while licking burger grease off his fingers, “keep threatening me, i like it,” he winks at billy, popping his thumb into his mouth for a final suck before reaching for steve’s napkin in front of them.

billy scoffs and shakes his head, “you don’t seem to mind our leg day muscles when our dicks are—“

“woahhh, bills let’s save it for not public? yeah baby?” interjects steve, ever the voice of reason and public decency. he pushes eddie off his chest gently to address him, seeking out his eyes, “ed’s, you full? can we grab the check and head out before our mister there gets us kicked out?”

“mmm,” eddie says as he gives billy an obvious once over, “stevie, it’s funny, i’m still hungry, but i think i know of two particular things at this very table that would just fill me rightttt up,” he says sleezily, dripping with saccharine, licking his lips stupidly while winking once again at billy.

billy snaps. he slams too much cash onto the tabletop, stands rigidly, shoulders tense, “we’re leaving.”

“but baby, im still hungry,” eddie starts, trying to act coy.

steve gives in, “munson, up. we have foreplay at home, where ya know, it’s legal.”

eddie can’t help but relish poking and prodding until both his boys are riled up, “thought you wernt getting involved, stevie?”

“and i thought you wernt all talk, munson, but guess your moth is only good for yapping. shame.”

both eddie and billy tense in excitement, they love when steve gets bitchy on them. the sex is going to be so fucking good tonight.

the three of them rush the exit, beelining across the parking lot. steve slides into the drivers seat of his car. billy easily wrestles eddie into the backseat and claims shotgun for himself.

the hierarchy of seats doesn’t matter though, since eddie practically sprawls his torso across the center consul to fake-whisper into billy’s ear while steve begins to drive them home, “you think he’ll let me prove to you both that i can use my mouth for something other than yapping tonight?”

billy smiles darkly as they watch how steve’s grip on the wheel tightens, “dunno ed’s, think you’ll have to be realll diligent to convince us.”

“ooo sounds like fun.”

steve is in such a rush to get them home he parks so poorly that he gets a parking ticket the next day lmaoooo. but he makes billy and eddie help cover it because it’s THEIR fault for making him so horny he literally couldn’t even park straight in their apartment complex’s nearly empty parking garage.

[thesharktanksdriver]

I got an ask asking about what the crew would do for Honeypie birthday. The user forgot to make it anonymous but I thought I’d answer it like this instead of revealing them lol.

“And what would happen on HP's birthday? Like, what would the gang™ cook up, I'm extremely curious” - curious anon

No doubt the crew would go all out but on what they do exactly depends on what era of dmc it is!

For dmc3 with just lady and Dante I think the two would plan a bit of a surprise for Honeypie. Since this is the first game they probably wouldn’t surprise it at all thus the surprise would work this time around. Due to a tight budget because of store repair costs I think lady would cover it this time around but Dante would handle actually setting up the shop. A homemade banner is set up, their favourite songs in the jukebox, a cake sitting on his desk along with snacks. Both would go the full mile that they can with limited resources of the circumstances. Lady had to drive an hour out to find a bakery still making things after the temen-ni-Gru tower destroying most of Redgrave.

In the morning when Honeypie walks into devil may cry expecting the usual their met with both lady and Dante throwing streamers and yelling “surprise!”. Having someone celebrate their birthday is kinda something new for them, mostly because “birthday parties” that their parents threw were essentially excuses to socialize and network rather than celebrating their actual kid.

So having a real party just for them catered exclusively for them is something Honeypie isn’t used to and kinda stuns them. Lady on their birthday always brought them a small handmade cupcake and a gift to school but having a full little party is new.

I think honestly Honeypie would get a bit misty eyed that someone would even go through that sort of effort to make something about them.

For dmc1 I’m gonna combine it with the anime as well since Trish didn’t meet lady until the anime plus I love patty.

Honestly I can imagine an entire filler episode of patty dragging Dante around trying to help him pick out the perfect gift for Honeypie while lady and Trish plan and book a nice dinner for everyone. The villain of the episode is Honeypie having a nice day off and repeatedly almost running into both patty and Dante lol all the while lady and trish jump through holes trying to find a nice place to have dinner for everyone.

At the dinner the crew all band together in making sure the dinner goes well. Dante for once saved up and not only helps cover the bill (for once) but also made sure to get Honeypie a really nice gift a la the help of patty as well.

Every year Honeypie says that they didn’t need to get them anything and that the party was enough and every year the others disagree.

During dmc2 considering Dante’s mental state plus returning fresh from hell I think Honeypie would opt for something a bit more quiet. Everyone gathers at Honeypie’s apartment for a nice cozy hangout with cake and a movie. It’s a bit more put together than dmc3 due to both Trish and lady planning beforehand once again, but it also serves as an opportunity for Lucia to meet the gals as well! (This is for the 6 other Lucia fans).

Everyone squishes together on the couch as popcorn, cocktails and cake is served on handpainted ceramics.

There’s a very silent competition between lady, Trish and Dante over who gets to sit closest to Honeypie all the while Lucia is just happy to be there and included…plus it’s maybe funny seeing Dante who had been very stone faced and depressed during their adventure suddenly getting flustered and fighting with Trish all the while Honeypie remains oblivious talking to her about random shit as lady slides an arm around their waist.

For dmc4 with the inclusion of Nero, Kyrie and Credo the birthday probably once again has to be held in DMC due to how many people are now attending (not to mention patty coming plus Morison swinging by to drop off his gift as well) as well as fortuna being in repair.

Trish, Dante and lady are planning to the T all the while Kyrie helps out and credo and Nero awkwardly watch. Both are still kinda processing everything and very much watching Dante fumble repeatedly like and idiot.

Trish and lady get both former order of the sword members to help decorate while Kyrie this time makes a home made cake plus other foods. Honeypie is about to be blessed with home made Italian food blessed by Sparda himself once Kyrie is done with her cooking. Through the entire day patty is keeping them distracted and taking them shopping as the others get ready.

The group tries to make it a surprise but Honeypie definitely knows their plan and it secretly warms their heart.

The entire night Nero sabotages Dante purposefully for all the bullshit he put him through….mainly royal guard

As for dmc5 with the entire crew it’s chaotic to say the least and that’s saying something after the ones proceeding it. Nico for one is definitely making some bullshit to help decorate and is helping everyone with the planning. She’s running between each room with a new set of things in her hand and somehow being able to flip flop effortlessly.

Nico really appreciates honey, so she’s doing her best to make sure that effort is seen and felt. She likes to think it’s also a subtle way in paying them back for all the flowers they sent to granny Nell over the years. It’s a gesture she still remembers after going to her grandmothers grave and finding bouquets there each and every anniversary.

Meanwhile for Vergil he’s….honestly unsure of what to do. Listen, he hasn’t exactly celebrated his birthday beside caving and buying himself a chocolate bar before dmc3 so he kinda is disillusioned with birthdays…unless it comes to honey. But still he’s unsure of what to do as he watches everyone run around like chickens with their head cut off.

It’s because of this he uses the opportunity to help patty distract honey and unironically makes a really funny duo. Her sass plus his general personality make for a very fun day of watching them bicker or ruthlessly tear down any rude passerby’s for Honeypie’s amusement.

When returning back to dmc and everyone yells surprise Honeypie can’t help but laugh with tear lined eyes as confetti rains down around them.

Something for once Dante promised to clean up.

So many birthdays over so many years, and yet now it feels complete as they laugh with Dante over old jokes, eat kyrie’s hand baked cake made to their preference, wipe off some frosting from Nero’s forehead much to his embarrassment, watch patty team up with Trish and lady against Dante, dance with credo to their favourite songs, open up nicos hand made gift wrapped in uncharacteristically delicate wrapping paper and share a quiet moment with Vergil in the alleyway.

They wouldn’t trade this day for any amount of money.

(Enjoy this cursed gif)

[shellsstardew]

this is actually so good i love it. what’s your art process like?

Loved that ask! I finally have the time to answer it! Did you mean all of it? I'm gonna assume you meant all of it, hehe. Let's go!

THE WRITING PART

Let's just say my note app is FILLED with scenes for the comic. It looks like this :

So in green, how I write the scene and in red, the complete list of all the parts I want to write. The red one is really handy because I can look at the overall story super easily (and count how many parts before the kiss hehehe), this is also how I keep track of scenes I add up in between some of them, sometimes I also slide a scene at an another point in the story if i feel it works better.

I have this planned until the kiss (and then some), and I know what I'll do with them once they get together but didn't bother writing down yet, because getting to the kiss is gonna take a WHILE anyway. Hahaha

The list helps me not having to write them in order too! Usually I take walks with music on and this is how I think about most of my scenes (at the beginning of the comic it was in bed instead of sleeping because I was way too obsessed haha)

Sometimes a scene get born just by listening to a specific song, so then I have to put it a loop to be able to write it in my head, and when that happens, it becomes the song I put at the beginning of the parts! It was the case for Jalousie by Rori for part 15 and New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystem for part 35 :)

THE STORYBOARD PART

So I have a template for my storyboards and it looks like this :

Same as before, helps me to see the overall thing and let me draw out of order. I also like do draw a little checkmark when I finished a line-art, it gives me a little dopamine rush haha

As you can see, Shane was supposed to fully laugh at the end of part 28 but I cut it and replaced it with a snort because I thought it would hit way harder if i saved the true belly laugh for the end of their talk. The amount of times something like this has happened is so funny, like I took back so many Shane smiles in other parts because I couldn't help making him already all mushy hahaha (this is not to torture you guys this is so when he does laugh it FEELS DESERVED!).

Also when he finally opens up, I had to add a bunch of Elliott's lines pressing him on for more details cause that boy shouldn't open up that easily! In the draft he's just babbling like it's no problem it's so funny to me

Adding to all this that I rewrite a lot and often at every step of making the comic. Saying this to people who want to write but get discouraged when it suck at first, I know the struggle haha

will do THE DRAWING PART later cause that post is already too long haha

[julijbee]

girlbossing too close to the sun.

[sysig]

Skelekinz (Patreon)

[baeshijima]

ever since the 5.2 trailer this is all ive been able to think about

once again, the genshin pokemon au thoughts are running wild

excuse the mega long rant in tags bc i geeked out perhaps a lil too much abt pkmn au but ourghghg.... we do not talk abt how i spent at least an hour writing all this out....

[docsbestkissedoperative]

a ref of jeb i made for a thing i'm making teehee

(more thoughts in the tags bc i'm shy but his design is mostly based off of his mpn and live appearance! i got the idea to tear his lab coat up and finally decided to make his pants darker like his live action ver from @/fluffydeoxys' design and the elbow bandages from someone who gave him elbow pads but i can't find them SOBS.

i see his bandages as his way to keep himself together in some fear he'd come apart lol

also thought about the cross necklace from @/mersei47's design and it's on the mpn card of him! i did put some beads to make it appear a bit more rosary like but never able to finish even a single mystery on it. no one to reach out to but yourself now!)

[nbnaruto]

These are brain worms that have been eating me and idk what to do with but what if danny phantom × pjo/toa crossover that's danny/amnesiac!lester. He hit his head when he crashed landed in that dumpster and forgot everything, stumbled out of the alley and wandered away. Meg just misses him, instead good ol Danny finds him and because he's a nice guy they go to the hospital together and stay in touch. They find out Lester (or whatever he'd be going by with no memories) is basically a ghost (ha) and Danny is like hey you know where ghosts belong, the most haunted town in America:] and lester has nothing else going on so they both leave and the gods have no fucking clue where mortal apollo is. I imagine he stays like that for a while (years in my head because it's funny for me but has horrid implications) until he gets hit in the face with a dodgeball and it all comes back to him. Cue monumental mental breakdown because as far as he was concerned he was 100% human until now.

[yellllowstar]

slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery

(creature by half•alive)

(textless + timelapse below cut)